Have you ever heard of Vaginismus? Me neither, well, not until I dated someone who may have been living with it. My partner at the time, struggled with their relationship to sex due to several things, but mostly due to the kind of household they were raised in. This would cause us to have many disagreements about what we called our ‘incompatible’ sex life. One day, I was reading up about painful sex, when the word vaginismus popped up on a search. The article mentioned quite a few of the things we were experiencing challenges in, and this prompted me to keep reading. The article went on to explain that Vaginismus is the involuntary contraction of the vaginal & the pelvic floor muscles when attempting to insert anything into it, whether it is a penis, fingers, tampons, dildos, vibrators, menstrual cups, or even a speculum for a pap smear.

According to the National Institutes of Health, Vaginismus is one of the most common psychosexual occurrences in people with vaginas and vulvas, it is still something shrouded in shame, because who wants to talk about the fact that they struggle to feel pleasure during penetrative sex, or that they struggle to be penetrated by pretty much anything, even when trying to use a tampon for menstrual flow? Some people with vaginismus have stated that when something is inserted into their vagina it feels like whatever is being inserted hits a wall and can’t progress past a certain point. Now, this wall is not the same ‘wall’ as what most people with vaginas might know, this ‘wall’ they are referring to is not the cervix: the cervix is the ‘wall’ that separates the vaginal canal from the rest of the reproductive system known as the uterus. The ‘wall’ people have referred to when speaking about Vaginismus or painful sex in general is the pain they feel the moment something enters the vagina, according to some patients’ symptoms this could be a burning or stinging sensation. The ‘wall’ we are talking about here is a limitation caused by Vaginismus.

There are different types of vaginismus, and I will briefly explore three of them.

Primary Vaginismus:
Medical News Today describes primary vaginismus as ‘a lifelong condition in which the spasming begins the first time a person tries to have sexual intercourse or insert an object like a tampon into the vagina.’ This could also mean that gynaecological exams may be difficult for the patient.

Secondary vaginismus:
Healthline states that Secondary vaginismus is when vaginal penetration was once achieved, but is no longer possible, potentially due to factors such as gynaecologic surgery, (sexual) trauma, or radiation. Secondary Vaginismus means that there was a time in your life where sex may have not been painful

Situational Vaginismus:
Situational Vaginismus is when it doesn’t appear all the time. Medical News Today
says that the ‘symptoms occur in response to some types of penetration but not others. For example, a person may not be able to have sex, but they will be able to insert a tampon.’

It is important to note that Vaginismus has no effect on someone’s ability to become aroused. Vaginismus makes penetration painful, not arousal. Feminist India published an article stating that it’s not clear what causes Vaginismus, but that the limited studies out there suggests that people with vaginismus tend to come from families with regressive and repressive stances on sex. The shame that is associated to sex and sexual exploration in the household could be one of the reasons they struggle with vaginismus later in life. Vaginismus symptoms could be heightened for people with vaginas who are experiencing Gender Dysphoria. Vaginismus can affect all people with vaginas including, but never limited to: cis-women, trans women and non-binary folks.

If you are wondering if there are any treatments available? There are no conclusive treatments, there is no magic pill, but doctors may prescribe physical & talk therapy, workshops and educational classes. Dr Pravan Ananth, a gynaecologist from New York City suggest that ‘all treatment should involve education about the body and any underlying causes—physical, emotional, prior trauma, those kinds of things. Pelvic floor physical therapy and psychotherapy can help here.’ Some people with vaginismus have expressed that attending workshops and educational classes have provided them with the correct language and helped them to feel less alone on their journeys. It is important to note that just because someone may experience painful sex that it doesn’t mean that they don’t want sex. Sex is a spectrum and penetration is only one aspect of providing ourselves and our partners pleasure. Maybe it is time we all get a little more creative to make sex enjoyable for all of us, including for folks with vaginismus.

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