I’m sure you’ve heard of the term, “Friends with benefits” (FWB). If you haven’t, it simply means engaging in sexual relations with a friend – so, not your official significant other, and not a stranger who you have just met.

Let’s get personal here, shall we? I, for one, would never engage in sexual activity with my friend . But you may be different – if you do indulge in it, and believe that there are no strings attached, then that’s great.

However, I know that I am quite emotional and that I get attached to someone quite easily. So, why would I put myself through that torture? That’s a disaster waiting to happen, in my opinion.

I always wonder, how do you give your body, how do you give your very being to someone and not break while doing so? How do you sleep with someone, only for them to be like, “Hey, that was nice. Let’s do this again next week?” But to each their own, as they say.

In the past, many guys would say to me, “I’m just not ready to commit.” He’d go on to explain that he’s been hurt and he’s not sure if he can move on. My friend – y’all know Busi – always says, “Who hasn’t been hurt?” That statement always plays in my head. She’s right, we have all been hurt in some way or the other. It is up to us, you, to decide how long that hurt will rule your heart.

Digging deep
While scrolling through sites trying to find out more about friends with benefits, some things stood out for me. One particular article by Hello Relish, explored rules for a “ Mess-Free Arrangement”, in relation to a friends with benefit relationship. It explored ways to basically protect your heart while in this sort of relationship.

What stood out for me:
1. Don’t be lovey-dovey
2. Expect the bare minimum
3. Don’t be jealous
4. Don’t stop dating

The thought of the above really made my heart hurt, as if this was happening to me. Why have an arrangement in the first place? You might as well put in time and effort for someone who you genuinely like. There’s a popular saying, “Invest in people who invest in you.”

Delving further into the depths of the internet I came across an article published by Live Science. The study explored FWB among 125 college students in America. “The biggest reported disadvantage of this recreational sex was the possibility that feelings would develop (65.3 percent). Other worries included “harm friendship” (28.2 percent) and “cause negative emotions” (27.4 percent). Concern over pregnancy and STDs, listed as “negative consequences of sex,” came in at only 9.7 percent.”

The advantages of a FWB relationship include being with someone you know and you’re comfortable with, and you don’t have to worry about commitment if you’re not looking for that. Another advantage is that you can still see other people while having your FWB arrangement.

To find out other people’s thoughts on friends with benefits I asked around and this is what they had to say:

Male, 25
Do I agree with a FWB arrangement? Personally, no. However, if others want to do it, by all means go ahead. The reason I don’t want to do it is that it complicates the friendship a little bit. Adds an unnecessary layer to it, which can be destructive; seeing as the chances are that someone will be catching feelings and that will make things weird.

Female, 22
I am of the opinion that we are all adults and as long as both parties consent, and know what the FWB situationship entails, then I think that I’m for it. It only becomes a problem when one person leads the other person on. Not everyone is in the mental space to be in a committed relationship; sometimes you just want the sexual stuff that comes with a relationship, but you don’t want to commit to a person because you want to focus on other aspects of your life. I think that’s totally okay as long as you’re honest with the person and make your feelings clear from the get-go, and as long as the other person understands and consents to it.

We all know what’s best for ourselves. The only thing I can say is to be careful when it comes to friendships and relationships. Be prepared for anything, wink, wink.

Take care,
Amber x


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