This narrative essay piece is part of the FunDza Fellowship Project, showcasing the incredible talent of our 2024 Fellows. These stories were crafted by emerging young writers as part of their journey to hone their skills in storytelling. Each piece reflects their unique voice and creativity. We’re excited to share their remarkable narratives with you!

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A mother is important in their child’s life. A father is also important in their child’s life. Every kid must have a father figure to guide them and love them.

Mothers can take care of their kids and raise them alone. However, being raised by a mother alone doesn’t magically close the loveless void in your heart that a dad was supposed to fill with his love. Mothers are amazing, and they can’t be traded for any precious stone in this world. But both girls and boys need a father in their lives as they grow up. Most of us who grow up without our dads face the trauma of an absent, deadbeat father. I am speaking from the traumatizing experience of walking through life without a dad who chose to be absent by choice. The journey is full of thorns that pierce even the soul.

I used to blame myself for my absent father, but I learned to accept that I didn’t choose him. I just found myself here, without my permission, of course. If I could have chosen a dad, I would have chosen one full of love, care, and support. Those with present fathers are blessed because some women and men are strangers to their father’s love.

It took me forever to accept that it wasn’t my fault that I have an absent father. I am a believer, and knowing God made my healing journey easier. I learned that God doesn’t make mistakes. The beautiful fact that I am a whole, existing individual always reminds me that God is indeed the father of the fatherless.

My deadbeat father traumatized my inner child. The older I grew, the louder my inner child cried. I was hurt by a man I loved with all my heart, even though that love was not reciprocated. Sometimes, I wanted to hear him explain why he decided to be absent.

As a young woman who once carried a bleeding deadbeat scar, I can tell you that the journey to healing that scar is a long one, but it is worth taking. Sometimes, I let tears fall from my eyes when the damage done to my inner child replays in my mind. I struggled with loving myself. I didn’t understand why I should love myself when my dad didn’t love me. Confusion became my constant companion. One moment I believed I was a blessing, and the next, I felt like a huge mistake.

I wanted my father’s love, but that was too much to ask. I might have understood if he was gone, but he was alive and unbothered. When my mom passed away, I had to raise my two younger brothers. I sacrificed so much because of my absent father—my mental peace, happiness, and childhood—so that my brothers wouldn’t become as broken and confused as I was.

My inner child wanted closure, a conversation, an explanation for why he made his choices. I know there are many victims of deadbeat fathers like me. We are strong, but when we are alone, we let the absent father scar bleed. The first important step in my healing journey was to accept that this is who he is, by choice. Love is an action, not just words. Love is visible through actions.

I had to cut him off. Trying to start a healthy relationship with him delayed my healing. He would make me think he had changed, only to return to his true self. To anyone struggling with this, I say: heal your inner child. Choose to heal and be brave enough to embark on the healing process. You’ll face trauma, but avoiding it only makes it worse. To heal, you must face your pain.

If I could say something to him, I would say, “Thank you.” Thank you for teaching me that being a parent is a decision that comes from the heart.

To the broken victims, it has to end with you. Don’t bring children into the world until your scars are healed. Broken mothers and fathers produce confused and broken individuals. Let the healing begin with us.

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