I am in a loving interracial relationship with a Xhosa man whom I love dearly. I’m happy, and so is he, so why does the world seem to have a problem with us?

These are the melancholy thoughts I have regularly as my partner and I walk in a mall or enjoy a picnic on a beach as curious onlookers stare at us. Despite the year being 2023, with South Africa having been freed from the shackles of apartheid 29 years ago, interracial love is still largely frowned upon.

I fell in love with my partner during the height of the Fees Must Fall movement. Many students were highly political, and seeing a Cape Malay woman and Xhosa guy together attending student protests was often viewed as an abomination to the movement itself.

I’ll never forget the day my partner, Yolanda Klaas, told me he had been termed a ‘sell-out’ by some of his friends. When I looked at him, bewildered and on the verge of tears, he simply said, ‘It’s okay, I know I am a sell-out’. It broke my heart to see him looking so defeated. I wanted to end the relationship because I felt like being with someone who shared his cultural norms would be better for him. However, because of our deep love for one another, we never ended up parting ways.

While there are scant details about the exact number of interracial relationships in South Africa, one aspect of these romantic pairings is abundantly clear: they are still seen as strange and novel. A 2019 study by Steyn, McEwan, and Tsekwa found that couples of different races are often seen as ‘rebellious’, with their love politicised in society.

It hurts me deeply that my partner and I are judged so harshly by onlookers. His family loves me, and he adores my siblings who see him as a fun big brother. While there was initially a culture clash when I met his family, with language barriers and my love of spicy curry presenting a comical and memorable first meeting, the Klaas clan has always loved me, even going out of their way to ensure every food item and utensil is halaal. Therefore, it is difficult for me to understand why people who do not know us seem to have negative opinions about our love.

Years ago, as Yolanda and I sat in a local eatery, a random older male approached us and called him a ‘monkey’. We were flabbergasted, embarrassed, and tried to handle the confrontation as gracefully as possible. We simply wanted to celebrate happily after I submitted my master’s thesis. Reflecting on the incident, Yolanda said:“I didn’t want that guy to ruin our evening. I knew how hard you worked and all the blood, sweat, and sleepless nights that went into your thesis. I just wanted that achievement to be the focus [of the evening].”

Opening up about what he views as the biggest challenge we face in our relationship, he [Yolanda] lamented: “I think communication is a big thing. We had different upbringings and the way we see the world differs so much. I also think in isiXhosa, so I translate in my mind. Another thing I needed to get used to was your food. I love it – but I grew up with Umngqusho, not briyani or roti with spicy butter chicken curry.”

I was curious about the experiences of other interracial couples and reached out to a former classmate, *Lalita Abrahams, a coloured medical professional, who has been dating a Tsonga man for five years: “I never thought I would date someone of a different culture because as a Christian, I didn’t want to mix ancestral practices with my love of Christ. However, it’s been going well. He has helped me embrace my African roots. My relationship with my hair and skin, as a darker coloured woman, has also shifted dramatically.”

I also reached out to Denika Herbst, a UKZN PhD student in Industrial Organisational and Labour Studies, who advocates for increased understanding and relationship-building between people of different races. She believes that South Africa’s macabre past with interracial love plays a fundamental role in the views people have about mixed-race couples: “I think because of the struggles of the past and the segregation between people during apartheid, there is still some long-standing prejudice. However, for me, a relationship is just a relationship.”

As South Africans, we should view interracial couples as positive indicators of how far this beautiful country has come since the dark days of apartheid. Let’s embrace our cultural differences and the melting pot of traditions that make up our beautiful land.

How do you feel about interracial dating? Why do you think couples in these relationships are seen as controversial?

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