For a few seconds there was silence in the house, but Petunia decided to break the ice.
“Um…I’m sorry if I’m too slow, but Luntu are you certainly sure that Khaya is the guy?”
“Yes, I’m sure, he’s the one. I…how could this happen to me? What have I done wrong?” Luntu was in tears while saying these words. She looked up to her dad, “Dad can’t you say something? Anything?” continued Luntu.
Petunia felt dizzy all of the sudden. They all sat down.
“This is…It’s just…” but Frank couldn’t finish his sentence. Khaya knew what he was going to say so he interrupted him.
“Don’t say this is your fault because it’s not. OK?!” said Khaya to his uncle trying to calm him down. Still the tension was there.
“I’m sorry but I just can’t do this, excuse me,” Luntu rushed out to next door to see her friend, Wanda. Khaya tried to run after her but Petunia stopped him saying, “Let her go Khaya. She’s not going far.”
Petunia knew that there is only one place Luntu goes to when she’s blaming herself for something.
“I can’t do this, not now. So if you two don’t mind I’d like you to take a bow.” She said looking through the window.
“You sure you gonna be OK?” asked Frank worriedly but Petunia just nodded. So Frank and Khaya took off even though Frank wasn’t sure if leaving Petunia alone was the right thing to do.
As soon as they closed the door, Petunia went to her room and took her dairy under her bed and started writing her thoughts:
Dear Diary
I’m not sure how I feel or what I feel. Even worse I don’t know what I should do. My daughter is having the hardest time of her life. I don’t know how to be there for her, how to support her. Now that her father is back I thought things would improve but instead everything is falling apart.
Then she went to the kitchen to get some water.
“Everything is falling apart and I on the other hand…I…” Luntu was talking to her own friend Wanda next door.
“Take a breath Lulu…there you go. So let me get this straight. Your parents blame you for carrying your…cousin’s baby?” asked Wanda. Then Luntu nodded. “But… did they said so themselves?” This was hard for Wanda to believe.
“Well yes, no I mean not in so many words.” answered Luntu angrily. Wanda took Luntu’s hand in sympathy and said, “My friend I doubt they blame you for any of this but themselves. Besides this isn’t the time to point fingers.” Said Wanda.
“Wanda I wish I knew what to do. You know when my father came to my life I thought all would be perfect you know. Like he and my mom and I would have the happiness money can’t buy. You know like a happy family. But…” once again she was in tears.
“I know that feeling Lulu. But as they say, this is part of life,” said Wanda. Luntu suddenly couldn’t meet Wanda’s eyes, maybe because of what she wanted to ask him.
“Wanda, I’m about to ask you something serious so I’d like a positive s from you…”
“Sounds serious,” responded Wanda.
“It is. Okay, do you think I should…you know? I mean it’s the only solution that comes to my mind…”she said still not looking at Wanda’s eyes. It took some time for Wanda to digest what Luntu was saying but finally he got what his friend was asking him.
“Lulu, tell me it’s not what I think! You’re a Life Orientation teacher for heaven sake! Do you think what you wanna do is wise?” Wanda didn’t want his friend to do things then later on regret them. Luntu could see the worry in Wanda’s eyes. Before she could say something her phone rang.
She didn’t recognise the number but she answered it….
“Noluntu, hello,”
“Ms Manto hi, It’s me, Zanele Rooi.” Zanele was one of her best students and really loved Luntu. During lunch time she’d spend her time chatting with Luntu than with her friends and Luntu also cared a lot about Zanele.
“Zanele hey. Are you OK? Everything OK?”
“No. Everything is fine. I should the one asking you that. You’ve been absent the entire week and…”
“And?”
“I miss you ma’am,”
“I miss you too, is all OK?”
“Yes, I guess. When are you coming back to school?”
“I don’t wanna make any promises…”
“What are you saying ma’am? You don’t sound…like yourself.”
“Hey Zanele, listen dear I can’t talk right now. But I’ll call you later. Now isn’t a good time. Take care. Bye.”
“Have a good day ma’am, bye.”
“Oh gosh I really do miss her. She’s got a way of making me smile,” said Luntu to Wanda.
“Sounds like a good girl.” He replied
“She is, also smart; reminds me of my days at her age.” Smilled Luntu.
“You really like her, don’t you?” asked Wanda.
“She’s something else. Anyway thanks for your advice and time. Let me take my leave. See you,” she said getting up off the chair.
“If you need anything, just bell on me OK?” said Wanda and Luntu hugged him and went back at her house.
When she got there she found her mother waiting in the kitchen.
“Hello” greeted Luntu not looking in her mom’s eyes.
“Come and sit with me. Luntu I want you to know that I don’t…we don’t blame you for what happened.” Explained her mother who seemed very calm than before.
“I see. Please excuse me,” said Luntu but Petunia didn’t let go of her because she could see that Luntu was taking a lot of strain.
“Luntu I can see you’ve got a lot of things around your head. But you need to know that I’m here for you and you’re not alone in this,” said Petunia touching her child’s hand.
“I know that and…Look I just wanna be alone. Love you mom.” She said hugging her mom.
“OK dear, be good.”
Something was missing as Luntu walked to her room. She kept thinking what could that be? She set in her bed and realised that her mother was right about one thing, Luntu did have many questions around her head. Just after thinking for a while she realised what was missing after hugging her mother.Ppetunia use to say, “I love you dear” more often but this time around she just said, “OK dear” like for real!
That just got Luntu angry and she was all about just committing suicide. On the other hand she knew that stressing wouldn’t do any good for the unborn baby so she took her diary and started writing.
Hello S.A
Another day; another story. Another family; another life. I’m losing my mind. How can I change from being gay to falling pregnant? I mean, is this also part of life? My mother doesn’t love me anymore, my…father, blames me as well. Well as for my ‘cousin’…I can’t believe what’s happening. I’m falling for the dude! What if I was never gay?
She closed the diary then started talking alone.
“Oh S.A! When last did I greet you like I used to, before my life turned into what ifs! I’m not even sure if I should continue living here but then again, I’ll miss you so much S.A”
Despite of everything Luntu took her room as her world and she named it South Africa. What a crazy girl! Just then Petunia knocked.
“Luntu, will you please open the door, please…” she begged.
“Go away. I wanna be alone!” said Luntu.
“Baby I want to tell you something. Please open up,” Petunia kept knocking until Luntu opened.
“Thanks honey. Can we talk?” asked Petunia
“Yeah sure,” replied Luntu
“Baby I want you to know that I love you, always have and I always will,” smiled Pet at her daughter
“Really mom? I love you too!” she said hugging her mother once again. “You know…I thought I’d lost you and I couldn’t survive being away from you,” continued Luntu.
“Im going nowhere baby girl. Look, do you need anything before I leave?”
“Um…You going somewhere?” asked Luntu
“I forgot to take my meds last week so I’m heading to clinic,” explained Petunia
“You what? Mom, we don’t want you to get sick all over again now do we?” Luntu freaked out.
“Of course not, I happened to forget that’s all, you know how it is. So you good?” asked Petunia
“I’m fine,” said Luntu.
Just after Petunia left, Luntu received a message from Zanele. She opened it:
Hey Miss Manto. I just can’t help it. Something’s eating you up and I wanna be there for you as you have been for me. Please fill me in and if you can please give me a call. Zanele.
Luntu was really touched by Zanele’s message, so she felt like she owed Zanele some explanation. She decided to call her right away.
“Miss Manto, you got my text?”
“Yes I did. What’re you doing there?”
“I’m just waiting for my mom. What’s up?”
“I’d like to see you,”
“Of course, Miss. Where can we meet?”
“Can you come over?”
“Of course… I’ll be there in 30 minutes,”
“Ok then then. See you.”
Oh Zanele, I wish and hope that you’ll be as understanding as Wanda has been. It feels like I’ve got to do something, but what? Luntu thought, feeling guilty about everything that was happening.
***
Tell us: What do you think will happen next?