Next morning she took me to the clinic. People stared at me as if I was different from them. Maybe Ma Agnes blabbered with her loose tongue. There was another nurse who gave us teaching about HIV and the medicine. I had to undergo other blood tests; they said they were for my viral load and CD4 count. The results would come after two weeks.

Pearl left me by the gate so she could rush to work. I saw Ma Agnes sitting with her friends outside, all their eyes cast on me. I looked at the ground.

“That girl deserves what’s coming to her,” she whispered.

“Don’t say that. It’s a mistake,” a woman’s voice said.

“She left school to become a prostitute. Nancy influenced her,” she chuckled.

“Which Nancy?” the voice asked.

“The one and only Nancy you found in bed with your husband,” she answered.

“I hope she didn’t sleep with my husband as well. I don’t want to be infected,” the voice murmured.

I walked fast. I didn’t want to hear any of their talk. I regretted choosing Nancy over school. How will I live with a baby and HIV? Positive people can never be accepted because many people are still clueless about the disease.

I read all the pamphlets so I could educate myself. HIV cannot be spread by eating from the same plate, touching, or wearing infected person’s clothes. But it can be transferred through unprotected sex, shared needles and from mother to baby.

I sat on my bed and tears rolled from my eyes. I was an embarrassment to my parents. I could feel them having sympathy on me. The life I chose led me to this. How would I accept this? I will die young like others, but the pamphlets said with medications, I will live longer.

Each day I was getting thinner and thinner. My body got weaker and weaker. It was like my life was fading away. I had no strength left in me.

I never saw Nancy ever again since she suspected I was pregnant. I received medicine for people who are pregnant and HIV positive. In a few months my health got better. My heart got sore when I thought of my womb, I didn’t even know all the men I slept with. I never asked their names or phone numbers.

“Sis, when do you think you can go to school?” Pearl asked.

“I will apply at a college soon,” I answered.

“Good,” she said handing me a plate with pap and chicken.

I ate silently, thinking about my life. I dressed casually and grabbed a taxi to town. I had to apply at a college to do form three and four. Pearl volunteered to help me with cash. She also helped me with baby things. I decided to take a walk in the mall. I saw Nancy and Mavis, they were laughing louder. I walked closer then they looked at me.

“See the AIDS girl,” Mavis said and laughed.

“Hi,” I said not knowing what to say to them.

“Is there noise coming from somewhere?”

“It must be bees,” Nancy laughed.

“Let’s get away from this noise,” Mavis laughed, walking away. Nancy followed her shaking her head.

I looked at them sadly. I had to be strong, even if people saw me in a different way. To think I respected Nancy but now they treated me as if I was invisible.

I entered the bar and ordered a glass of brandy. There were a few people but one man kept his eyes on me. I looked down when I saw he was coming to my side. He held two glasses filled with wine.

“A drink for a beautiful lady,” he offered.

I looked at him, wanting him to leave. He grabbed my arm. I looked at him. He looked familiar. Who is he?
“Please let me go,” I begged with tears in my eye.

“Just one drink please,” he said gently letting go of my arm.

I sat back and took the drink and sipped it. He smiled then I drank all the wine. My eyes started to fade, I felt as if I was going to faint. Someone was holding and dragging me.

“You will be fine,” a voice assured.

I couldn’t see who was pulling my hand and holding my waist. Suddenly I fell into a deep sleep.
I woke up tired. How did I get here? I saw my body was naked. I must’ve been drugged. How did I come into this bedroom? My private part was in pains. I was raped. Whoever did this was heartless!

I wore my clothes quickly and went through all doors so I could escape. My heart raced and pain made me weak. I found myself at the hospital. I had to check if I hadn’t harmed the baby. The nurse checked me.

“What happened to you?”

“I think I was raped,” I answered, shivering.

I started to cry. Why the worst things were happening to me?

“You have to report this,” she said comforting me.

The police were called. Pearl came rushing. She hugged me and I cried quietly.

“You will be fine.”

I told the police but there was a big problem. I didn’t remember the man who gave me the drink.
This incident haunted me and I had to see a counsellor. I would sleep and sometimes forget my medicine.

One day I was coming from school, I passed Nancy’s house. I noticed a man, he looked familiar. I hid under the hedge.

“You have to pay me. I did what you asked,” he said.

“I want that girl dead. She is still alive,” Nancy said.

“You have to find someone to do that. I won’t kill anyone,” he said.

Nancy had planned this. I ran fast to the police station and told them about the conversation.

They arrested Nancy and the man who raped me. I found closure and was now determined to focus on my life.

I am still studying. I have managed to pass form 3. I have a baby boy I named Tawananyasha. The name means ‘We found grace’. I never want easy money again or a short-lived good life. There is no good life without hard work. I will never sell my body again. Who will marry me knowing my background? But I still hope for the best. If only I listened to my older sister, my life would be different. I have to accept it and move on. It’s done.

***

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