Freedom can be bought, but not love
Love is not a material thing that you can shop for
Love is priceless because it is a feeling
It is an emotional attraction and a sense that creeps in the body
Love is spiritual because it is felt and not touched
It is sensed and not smelt
It roams in the flesh and soul and it can’t be eaten

My name is Anna, and I was a loving person who loved fun but hated her body. I’m not writing this to mock all women who have bodies like mine, but I just want you to know how many disadvantage having this type of body has. For as long as I can remember, I was chubby with three layers of stomachs, and I hated it. I had excess fat around my arms, back, and belly, and I was ashamed of undressing in front of other students at the boarding college.

My classmates were slender and had beautiful bodies, and I wished to own one like that for a long time. Early mornings, they would jog and stay fit, yet I couldn’t run for five seconds. My body was too heavy for me, and I didn’t even get cold in winter because of the fat around my arms, thighs, and stomach. Like they say, fat brings excess heat to the body, and because of that, I loved bathing with cold water all the time.

It all ran in my family, though, because both my mother and grandmother had bodies like mine too. The last born in our family was only 8 years old, and she also had excess fat in her stomach, which was so embarrassing. My mother and grandmother weren’t ashamed of their bodies, though, but maybe it was because they didn’t know which body was sexy. But my sister and I would sometimes get attacked by stress because of our bodies.

“Look at that stomach.”
“She eats too much.”
“That body is ugly, it keeps dirty.”
“Obesity.”
“Sduhla.”
“She can’t even model or dress sexy.”

There was always a roar of mock and laughter when I was around. I remember it always lead to me stressing in primary school and high school, but a few years after high school, I accepted my body.

But let me talk to you about what made me write this story. It’s about love, and it’s not really that complicated.

No man wanted me, not even in my village. I felt so lost and I lost a lot of confidence because of that. I knew it had something to do with my body. Even though I was from a Pentecost church, I decided to join some people at the bar because I had a mission: I wanted a man in my life. I was already 20 years old, but no man had whistled or made a move on me. My heart was crushed, and even though I was beautiful, I felt cursed not to find love, or at least that was what I thought!

One day, on a chilly Friday night, I was sitting with a group of youth outside a bar, sipping on a Black Label, and I felt at ease when I met some peers from our church there. I knew I wasn’t alone on drinking, so I was very relieved because I wasn’t the only one sinning. My peers were taking about church stuff, and it was annoying me. While they were talking, something caught my eye, and it was a tall, dark skinned man who was sitting opposite to where I was. I could see his muscles reflecting from his shirt, and his legs were what I wanted from a man. There were chills in my spine, blood raced to my head, and I couldn’t concentrate on the gossip that echoed behind me.

I couldn’t remove my eyes on him. I looked at his powerful looking legs that were encased in a blue jean, his hand that kept caressing his moustache, and he had a bald head. I saw that his body was well built, and he was tall. Everything I observed send a chill down my spine. It was my first time seeing him, and I knew everyone around there. He didn’t look new, or maybe God had sent him at right time.

“Anna, are we going to church? Who will play the drums and sing?” a voice spoke from behind me, but I couldn’t remove my eyes on the man.

The guy then puffed the cigarette and a cloud of smoke flew from his mouth into the air. He wore a white vest, and I realised he had removed the shirt. Our eyes met, and I shyly gazed the other way. I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look in his direction again. What would he think of me?

“Hey, I’m asking you something,” Mbali shouted. I then bit my lips and gulped a mouthful of Black Label beer.

“What did you say?” I asked confusedly.

I was wondering if the man felt the same way and if he was coming towards me. I had heard the question, but my mind was lost. I couldn’t answer, but when I looked in direction, he was gone. Maybe my instinct were right.

“Yes, we will sing, and Tshepo and Gamu will play the drums,” I gushed and stood up clumsy.

I was tipsy and struggled to walk away. I wanted to run because I was curious if that man had read what was on my mind and eyes. Every eye had words in them.

I walked like a pendulum, my head was swaying back and forth, and I couldn’t stand straight. I felt very weak, my eyes saw blur things, and I decided to take a shortcut in a dark alley because it saved me time to reach home. I had forgotten that women got raped in that place, but all I wanted to was to lie down and sleep. While walking, I felt rough hands around my waist, but my eyes couldn’t see clearly.

“I like you, baby girl,” he whispered in my ears, and we went home, but I wasn’t aware he took me to his place.

I don’t remember anything that happened next. I only remember waking up naked, next to the man who had given me goosebumps the night before. His kissed me all over my body as I blinked my eyes, and the kisses were promises of good things to come.

***

Tell us: What do you think the main character should do after waking up naked, next to that man, and not remembering what happened?