Anyway, the issue of those names was not really an issue because I was used to it. For when I married Victor, some called me a ‘thief, gold digger, pensioner…’ you name it. All these and the sudden change of Victor stole my self-esteem and left a void in me. I felt so useless and worthless. All sense of humanity and all purpose of living gone.

The turning point to my fate came at one church conference when pastor Goodwill preached on the purpose of existence. What a sermon! This lady pastor preached on living a life filled with hope, purpose and ambition. She hammered on self-encouragement, facing the giants in our lives, among other challenges in marriage. She dwelt much on infertility, hopelessness and overcoming one’s past. What an injection to my soul? That is all I needed to hear at moments like those in my life.

On returning home, I asked Victor what he thought and felt about the conference, especially that Saturday preaching. He admitted that we were surely missing the mark. He promised to stand by me through the storm and the hurricanes. Being in such good spirit and loving attitude. I asked him if he could consider sending me back to university to complete my degree which I had left uncompleted. He was more than willing to do so.

I went to varsity to pursue my dreams. How time flies? Within a blink of an eye, I was done with my B.E d. I managed to get a post at a nearby high school where I taught Mathematics. Since the pains of the past had taught me not to have friends, most of the time I had to be alone and do my work. The results in the school changed greatly. The entire community and the department of education were haughty of me.

I later changed profession and became a social worker with the intention of helping a lot of people out there who have different problems. I always tell them not to underestimate the power of self-doubt, for it will eat one up like cancer in the bone. How it gives one false images and identities, identities and images you might never be able to fight. I was fighting with various images in my mirror of life. Like one philosopher once said that man is born free but everywhere is in chains. That is what was happening to me those days. I was in chains, chains of false identities. Chains of made to believe that marriage is all about bearing children. I was bound in chains of worthlessness.

For years on end, I was made to believe that I was a failure because I did not have children. What a lie this is? I now believe and understand the bible more when it says in Psalms that children are a gift from God. If God did not give you such a gift why stress? For in Romans says that all things work for good for those who love Him. Doctors had said we had no problem, yet, we were seeing having no child as a problem. Things do change drastically. Victor and I now are singing it is well with our souls.

You know, it is good to trust God heartily. He took away the images which were haunting me in that cracked mirror. The mirror is no longer cracked neither is it still dirty. It is now showing images of real people, people wearing beautiful smiles, who have hope. I now have hope and a very different perspective about life. It is all about what you believe in that gives one the world view we hold about the world out there. Despite what I will be going through, I still hold on to a beautiful tomorrow.

What I can say to all is that, it is true that man is born free but everywhere in chains. That is true, but it is up to an individual to stay bound forever or set lose. So life is all about choices. So make yours while the sun still shines. No obstacle should dictate to anyone who they are.

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Tell us what you think: How do you managed to smile even when you feel like crying?