The next day we were taken to court.

At the court nothing much was said. But surprisingly all other boys were released except me. The knife that killed that boy had my finger prints on it. This scared me so much. Zinzi and my family where there, they were all disappointed at me and I didn’t blame them. I deserved all that was happening to me. Sxi came to me and he said I must do the initiation so that I can have people who will cover my back in prison.

I was taken back to the prison and this time I was given the prisoner’s clothes. I was really a prisoner this time. I went to the 28 gang and told them everything. They still said I mast do the initiation because I already had enemies there. My task was to kill a male guard and spit on a face of a woman guard. Wow! This was too much for me. I didn’t think I could do it but there was no turning back.

They told me I must do it at lunch time. Ten minutes before lunch time, a guard came to me saying I had a call. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone from outside and I told him so. Lunch time came, the cells opened, we stood in a line. A male guard escorted us out. As he passed me I jumped at him and I cut his throat. Then a female guard come running to me grab me and I turned and spat on her face.

I was taken to a cell that had no windows. I was stripped naked and locked up all by myself. A few minutes later a guard come to fetch me because I had a visitor. It was my dad and Thembakazi. They told me since I didn’t want to hear to news on the phone they thought they should come to tell me face to face.

I was supposed to be released today because the knife that killed that boy had many finger prints on it. And it could’ve been anyone who killed that boy and placed the knife in my pocket. I could have gotten my finger prints on the knife while I was giving it to the police at police station. So I was supposed to be released but what I did to that guard changed everything. Now I might spend the rest of my life in prison.

As I thought of what I did tears ran down my face. I didn’t know what to say because at that moment I knew if I had taken that phone call this wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have done the initiation thing but now it was done and I wish I could turn back the time.

Two months later I was convicted to life in prison and 20 years on top of that were added. I regret every move I did. I even regret coming to Cape Town and I miss my mom because if she was here this wouldn’t have happened. Why did God take my mother? And isn’t God supposed to bring us happiness? But why did he do this to me? Does God exist? These are questions that haunt me daily.

I wish I could turn back the time…

[The End]

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