When you have a great preacher for a father, you grow up loving life. I am Kgaugelo Maria Phalane, the one and only child of a great pastor in the whole community; Pastor Joseph Phalane. He’s a great preacher and a true man of God. My father is respected by the whole community and known all over town. Even the tourists that come around here to see the great Soweto always come to his church. He is truly a good man and fears the Lord.

I see his preaching as a calling from God. He is a faithful man but rather a bit stubborn sometimes. My beautiful mother, Selena, may her soul rest in peace, died when I was five years old and since then I have never seen my father eyeing another woman. Whenever I asked him why he didn’t give himself a second chance for happiness he always told me he made a promise to mom on her death bed. He said he promised her never to go near, look at or touch another woman.

Knowing mom, she probably told him to have a second chance but daddy really loves her. He says I should never use past tense when I speak of his love for mom for he says it is like the wind; you can’t see it or touch it and it may come as abstract but no matter what, you can feel it.

I have lived with him all my life and the bond we have is forever strong. I was always his little princess the Mam’ Fundisi in his life. As time went by I realised he was never going to have another woman in his life. I was certain daddy was never going to bring another woman into our lives and I completely lost that feeling of wanting to have a stepmother. Inside I knew that my dad had never thought of bringing a woman to take mom’s place in his heart.

Life has been good to me; we live a good life with neighbours and people that love us. Living here in Soweto has been amazing. All my life I have received warmth and care from others and I have been able to give it to them. My father, along with the other church ladies, had taught me well and I grew up to be the best daughter for any father. I have respect and know how to behave as a girl.

I grew up having the best things in life. Sometimes the girls in my neighbourhood would not play with me because I had better things than them.

But I used to enjoy being the daughter of a preacher before. Now I am older and have realised there are other better paths of life than following in my dad’s footsteps. It was ages ago, when I was still in primary school, and in my early years of high school that daddy could manipulate me. At that time, he was my mind and he decided almost everything for me, which is why he even decided to write my destiny for me. I was too naive and thought that being a preacher he was always right and knew what was best for me as my parent.

But that was yesterday, today I am no longer in the eleventh grade but in matric and I have a bright future ahead of me. I have grown up even though I am still daddy’s little girl. As I said “our bond is forever strong” I can’t imagine anything or anybody coming between us.

But I fear that I am growing up and making choices for myself. The path I want to take and the other ones I have already started on may not only offend him but break our sacred bond. These secrets are eating me slowly inside. All my life, daddy’s never hurt me or betrayed me but today I feel I have done so. I am sure daddy would jump into a very deep bridge, walk on hot charcoal or eat broken glass before he can even think of betraying me.

We always spoke of how I would walk in his footsteps. But now I have gone and done something different and not even close to being ‘church like’. It will be a disgrace, I can’t even think of telling him of the kind of shame I’ll bring to him and the church. Everyone already knows our plans of me inheriting the church and marrying a Christian. Daddy has my life all planned out.

But it isn’t how I want it!

At times like these I miss mom so much. When I was little, she’d put me on her lap and ask me what I wanted to be and I would name so many things. She’d laugh so much and agree with me with whatever and told me she’d help me achieve all my goals and wanted me to follow my dreams.

Because I am the daughter and only child of my father; the great Preacher Joseph Phalane, everyone’s always expected me to be better than the other girls. Whenever I walk in this neighbourhood I’ll find a mother scolding her child, comparing her with me and telling her to her face that she would sell her any day of the week to have me as her daughter. The girl would look at me with hateful eyes and I totally understood. I’d feel the same if my own mother just told me that she’d sell me for some goody-two- shoes daughter of a preacher.

When others see me with their children, their daughters greet me with smiles telling me how I’m their role model. I know I grew up acting like I’m holier than thou but that was when I was still under the influence of daddy.

I was always an obedient child and always did what others, especially my father, told me, which is why it’s so hard for me to part my lips to tell him I have disobeyed him. Whatever I’ve asked of daddy he’s always given to me but now I can’t make his dream of me marrying a Catholic man who’ll inherit the church with me.

Sometimes I find myself so angry that I am his only child. If mother had not left us for Heaven she’d have given him other children and maybe even a son to be his heir. But then I realise if that had happened I would have never experienced all the love and warmth from him, it would have been shared amongst me and my siblings. Then I sit and think that sharing my father’s love and not experiencing all I did is better than having to live a life that wasn’t made for me. I’d rather have a million siblings and have my daddy hardly even notice I exist than to go through what I’m going through right now.

I have never had a chance to live life. The time I could’ve lived I decided to live his life and he had no issue with me living like other children. Now that I have finally grown up and can think for myself, I have decided to live my own life but he has planned a perfect one for me. I am unable to look him in the eyes and say “Father I have found a path I want to take in life.” I am sure he’d die from a heart attack that very moment. I can’t stand to disappoint the one man who single-handedly raised.

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Tell us: Why do you think society expects children of ministers to be perfect?