Oh! There is that devil breathing. He even has the nerve to wink at me. I thought I would never visit the nightmare again, but here I am, standing in front of all my family members who don’t trust me. I’m melting down because I definitely I can’t stand the heat.
Every time I bump into his unsightly face, I relive every thorn he has put me through. Everything he put me through reappears, but I am forced to be strong. I tried deleting those days in my mind, but it seems like I will forever remember them.
I met him on the 15th of February, during my first day of high school. I really trusted and loved him back then, and I never thought he would do something like that to me. I will never forget his scent while he was on top of me, breathing heavily with a little sweat licking his face as he was penetrating me. My precious gift was so small, precious and reserved for the right time, but he took it in the split of a second.
I cannot describe the pain I felt when he forced himself inside me. I was not ready for penetration, and there was so much blood that covered my naked body when he was done. I was, almost literally, in a pool of blood. I remember that day because it only brought me pain, and nothing else.
Due to him, I cannot stare at my naked self and I hate myself for being a woman. I hate men and, even though I truly try to not colour all of them with the same brush, it doesn’t work, they’re all the same to me. I forever remember his words, saying I wanted, no, I asked for it, and that it was his repayment for helping to raise me after my father lost his life in a car accident. It felt like a sin to be a woman.
What still hurts is how my mother reacted: slapping and whipping my aching behind, saying how insane I was. ‘How can a married man rape you,’ she asked me. That was the day my soul separated from my body. To this day, I am a girl walking dead. Even when I’m alone, I can still hear myself screaming for help in my fading, heavy and helpless voice, and apologising for something that was not my fault.
I remember. I remember all that occurred, but my family thinks I have something against him. But I know what happened, and, surely, I will get my revenge. It’s not over yet.
I’ve tried forming relationships with men, but they never work. I feel a strange rush of blood whenever a man touches me, it’s odd. I will never love me. I’ve had years of putting on a bogus smile and silently hating my mother for her reaction. I have also concealed myself from the world for years because of this. But one day, yes one day, he will be eaten by fire, just like how he turned my world into a heaven full of fire.
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