It’s only about a week or so
Until my 20th birthday.
It’s amazing how time flies.
Staring at my reflection
I realise that most of the things
That have happened this year
Weren’t my intention.
Staring at my reflection is difficult
It seems like all these scars are physical
Bad decisions that I made
Gave me so much pain
I turn 20 in about a week
And a tornado is what my life is.
I’m uncertain about a lot of things.
Somehow fear has found its way
Back into my life.
I fear what my life will be like
If a certain person decides to leave.
I’ve invested so much of me in another person
That if they leave
Pieces of me shattered all over
Will have to be picked up.
I instigated a situation
That led to me getting hurt
And expected everyone around me
To feel sorry for me.
I expected their worlds to stop
Because I was hurt
And expected an apology from the hurter
Who was once a hurtee in my hands.
My relationship with God
Is not as strong as it used to be…
I wonder if He approves
Of certain people in my life.
I tend to use
“God you said everything is possible with You”
To get what I want
When He knows what I need.
In the coming year of my life
I want to do things differently.
I want God to lead in everything
Because if he does
My next reflection
Will be a whole lot brighter.
I’ll be more careful with decisions I make
And words I utter.
I’ll be more conscious
Of what’s going on around me
Instead of what I want to happen around
Or what I feel is happening.
Basically I want to be better
So that everyone around can absorb that energy.