My heart is heavy.
Hands are clumsier than usual.
I have an unexplainable emptiness in my heart.
Feelings even I as the owner can not empathise with.

I’m irritable, in the same breath, fatigued.
My heart is so heavy.
I wish I could just cry.
Maybe then lighter I’d feel.
Maybe a little sleep a little rest my eyelids would catch.

The sadness in my stomach is just resting.
Unmoving unwavering.
I wish it could melt or break.
Maybe then I’d find release.
I wish I could just cry.
If my tears find me again.
If I ever find tears again
This time I’ll embrace “feeling”
I’ll accept feeling anything
Even if it’s hurt.
Or comfort.

I’ll cry all I can.
I’ll hold nothing back.
I finally learn that I’d rather cry than feel nothing at all.
This numbness is grinding me into dry brown bread crumbs.
I cannot sleep.
I cannot rest.
I cannot
I cannot
I wish I could just cry.
Maybe after feeling sad I’ll start feeling again.
I wish I could just cry.