I forgot how I smile
when I really mean it
I forgot how my heart beats
when I have made it

I miss my hands before
they wore scars from battle
I miss my heart
before it knew hurt
I miss words I wrote
before my feelings ate them

Before I enjoyed winter nights
more than summer rains
Somehow I am cold all year
and my flowers have dried out

I miss myself every time I wake up;
it’s like a dream all over again
I don’t recognise myself

I miss me before I had to be strong
and forgive my past
Before these mistakes held me down
and drowned me in the sea of regrets
I miss loving who I could turn out to be,
not the me I see today

I miss asking if people were okay
with no fear that their answer will break me away
I miss writing about fairy tales and happy endings,
the Prince and his Princess
Somehow the castle I write about burnt down,
somehow it was just a fairy tale

I miss knowing tomorrow it will be okay,
not to wonder if I will wake
I miss taking the blame with no shame;
Today I am holding the spade, digging my own grave
I miss myself deeply