That simple yet painful word
That five-letter word
Just seems to come again and again
And again
People always wondered what it felt like to die
But we’ll never know
We always wish for people to die
But we don’t know what it feels like to die.
If all the wishes we make were to come through
Then we all would be dead.

Death is simply tragedy
You don’t know when to expect it
Or when it will come
It just comes unexpectedly
You may lose one
You may lose two
But to bury three is too much
“One is company, two is a party but three is a crowd.”
We never expect to lose grandparents in teenagehood
But while we are in university
We never expect to lose a parent while a teenager
But during mid-life crisis.
We just have the worst of luck.
Losing one on a Sunday
Losing another on a Wednesday
Losing yet another on a Wednesday.
We never know what else to expect
Is it going to be happiness or yet another loved one
We just never know.

How do I explain death
It’s the epitome of heartbreak and tears.

Sad, depressed, heartbroken
Is all I’ve felt these past two weeks
I always wondered how it feels to lose someone
Now I wish I never wondered.
“Curiosity killed the cat.”
Curiosity bought me sadness and pain
I just wish this was all a dream
That when I wake up all those I’ve lost will be right there next to me
Just telling me that this was all a nightmare
That thought that corona was surreal
But boy was I wrong
Death felt surreal.

I made up steps of death
The first was not believing
The second was denying
The third was missing the person
The fourth was remembering
The fifth was accepting
The sixth was sadness
The last one was reality and moving on
No one can explain the pain I feel
They say to show emotion but I’m not capable of doing so
I personally prefer to just cry on the inside
I mourn in my own way
That’s just how I am
I feel the need to be strong
In a very tough situation
I know it’s not possible to keep sadness hidden
But I have to do so or enemies will attack.
I’ve taught myself that valuable lesson.
“Show minimum emotion and you shall prosper”

I don’t know how to explain this pain
It’s just excruciating
It just won’t stop
It just keeps on coming and it never stops
I never thought that losing someone would be this hard
I never lost someone so near to my heart.
Someone that I grew up in front of
Someone who is my parent.
The only thing that I feel like doing
Is to just fall down and follow them
Three people so close
It’s not easy at all
It wasn’t easy with one person
It wasn’t easy with two people
But three is just too much
When life gives something as sour as lemons
We’ve just got to know how to eat them as sour as they are
It isn’t possible to make lemonade
Because life didn’t give you sugar.

I feel like falling from the sky
I feel like I can just go underwater
I feel like I can follow him
I just don’t know how to feel

All this agony
All this pain
All this emptiness
Is just eating me alive

They say cry
They say it’s part of life
But no child should ever experience this
No child

I wonder just how the other kids dealt with this
I wonder what they did
I wonder if they were angry
I just wonder…

I first felt anger
Anger towards him
Anger towards God
Anger towards this world
But mostly, anger towards myself
I was angry because I wasted the last days I had with him
I didn’t cherish all the time we spent together
I was angry because I never knew what living with him was like
I never got the chance to know what he liked and disliked

I hated him
I loathed the unexpected way that he left
I hated him for leaving
I hated him for not seeing me graduate
I hated him for not being able to walk me down the aisle

I felt worry seeping through
Worry about whether he is well treated
Worry about whether or not he is sick
Just whether he is okay

I started missing all three of them
I started visioning what would’ve happened in the future
The first one was high school graduation
The second was university graduation and all
The third was my wedding
The fourth was more sad
My first child

I never expected him to leave this early
I never expected to actually tell people that my dad is no more
I never expected to lose all those days to come

Just when I finally forgave him
He does this to him
On that very same day I learned about his death
I was going to tell him that I forgive him
I had already planned what I was going to write

“Through all the pain you’ve caused. Through all the anger you’ve caused. There’s nothing like the love you’ve shown. All I said needed to be said but I apologise for my words and attitude towards you. Even if you don’t forgive me I forgive you. Everyone deserves a second chance. I have found it in my heart to give you yours.”

I just never thought that it was too late
I hope that wherever he is he knows that he has a second chance.

I always denied this
But I love you with all my heart and soul
I love to the moon and back
No one will be able to fill the space you have left in my heart
I love you and will always remember you.

I never knew that a feeling like this ever existed
It’s like you’ve been stabbed
Not only once
But a gazillion times
I can’t comprehend how people handled this
This wound that keeps on gushing
And never seems to stop
I always say I am drowning
But drowning is much better than suffocating
I wonder
What is on the other side
Where only those who are no more are sat
Is it corrupt or fun
Is it lousy or peaceful
Do you feel pain
Or is it just pure bliss
We will never know
Until we die
Those who left
Are the only ones who know
But for now we have to be used
To plain, agonising pain.