As I am sitting here trying
To make out what my life has
Become it became harder to
Gather the broken pieces that
Used to complete me.

I found myself in a miserable
State, how did I get here?
Broken promises, broken
Hearts, broken trust, broken
Commitment, broken me.

I remember the kisses he
Planted in my lips, tender
And juicy the same lips he
Used to batter my ears with
Harsh words.

I have shed too much tears
And drowned myself in sorrow
I have cursed the day I met
Him and hated that my love
For him blinded me.

I have questioned my heart’s
Loyalty to me. Tried to
Understand why it would let
Me get so attached so easily
And so recklessly.

My heart lied to me told me
Things I wanted to hear and
Showed me things I wanted to
See. I then saw the man I love
turn into

A heartless person he didn’t
Love me no more, he didn’t
Want me. Maybe he didn’t
Change, maybe he was always
That way.

I just didn’t see it because
I saw things that were not
In him to only realise
I was never wrong for him.

I was too damn good for him
Too damn good for the lies
And too damn for his half
Love and promises too damn
Good to have been faithful
And had waited for him.

How did I get here? Oh I
Remember it was when my
Baby died, a piece of me
Died along with him he’ll
Never know how it feels to
carry a child and lose him
Before you could meet him.

Even then he didn’t care to
Know how I was doing just
That he wanted me to know
He blamed me for losing the
Baby at seventeen.

I was fighting for my life
In a hospital bed alone and
Without my son whom I bonded
With for eight months at that
Moment I knew things would
Never be same

I knew I could never love
Him like before and I would
Never be the same again
I knew I had to walk away,
I had to leave him so that
I could be sane again.

So that I could feel again,
So that I could love again
So I did I walked and I
Kept on walking and I
Never looked back. I did
Not want anything to do
With the life I left behind

I had cried myself to sleep
For far too long and I didn’t
Know how to forgive myself for
what I thought was my fault
But losing the baby was out
Of hands.

I now know there is nothing I
Would have done to save him.
The pain faded over the years,
I coped with it, I accepted it
And that is my life as I now
Know it.

Finally I carry a smile on face
Every day and everyday I find a
New reason to smile, I am alive
That is all that matters really
I am grateful to have been given
A second chance, I never searched
For love, love found me.

What I have now is much stronger
And stable I am happier than I
Was five years ago I have improved
Myself I know my worth, I know my
Weaknesses and my strengths.

I am stronger than the sixteen
Year old virgin he met and tried
to ruin the person I am now wouldn’t
Even glance at him if he walked by
At times I wish I had never met him
But then again

I would have missed the lesson he
Taught me through his pretence.