When I started young and fresh
I was really so confused
As I failed the test
I tried again and again
And then I got hooked to the bet

All my friends around me
Were also doing it too
I didn’t stop to think for a moment
That I had been fooled

I started to steal to feed my habit
Oh my house was used
It was first a mansion
Filled with gold too
And each item
I slowly had stolen
And sold for my own and others’ use

I was selfish and I didn’t care
I just wanted to have my fix and share
I started seeing things in my head
That told me go out and get more that’s there
Mommy, I didn’t want to be like this

Now I was in too deep
Couldn’t go back to high school
Labelled an idiot and a no-good freak
All because of my own selfish deeds

My own set of rules
That came from
The master’s shoes
But I was so young and confused

The seasons flashed by
The winds continued to ask me why
When mommy had left for the skies
I didn’t even die
I continued on my path
And scratched and stole and robbed and killed
All to feed my broken heart

Mommy was gone
There was no place I belonged
I had a lot of charm
For the ladies about
I slammed them day by day
And some carried and bred my lot
Too naïve to be a daddy
What the hell is that!
I can’t deal with such shit
I’m still too young
And not old enough
For that

They suckled on their mommy’s teets
Just how I had once ago had done
I decided to deflower the next flower
As the others had already been done

And so my life continued until
I ended up at The Big Burly gates
Never had I ever imagined
That this would become my fate

I never knew
What the inside would have been
Until I had first-hand seen
I was stripped of humanity
Stripped of my dignity
As they penentrated my skin
One by one
They had come
And later I would be done
Soon I would also do
I felt good
And I continued to do so too
Not that anyone followed the rules

No one cared
No one stared
I went into others easily
Even though they were scared
Even though they bled
Even though they screamed
I continued to pound them harder instead
As this was like a dream
I muffled their screams
I continued into them harder and harder with speed and thunder

Rehab came and went
It was boring to say the least
And made me sick at times
Wanted to escape many a times
Out of the tent

When I was back clean
And the temptation
Was so so real
I sniffed again
I puffed again
I huffed again
And soon again I was back

My daddy was too prim and proper
A military soldier in all his glory
He had no answers for me
So I continued on with my own story

I hated to follow rules
It always had me confused
Mommy was the best
She always rubbed my chest

The day I had woke up
And too realised
That she was gone
It has been too damn late
As it had been two decades long
Since she had been under the ground

Mommy was a teacher who taught in Bonteheuwel
She gave me everything I wanted
Yet I still wanted more
I never went hungry
I had everything I ever could have had
Today she is under the ground
And I am hustling around like mad

I became a millionaire the day mom passed away
Yet the devil along with my friends
Kept me from God’s grace
Kept lying to my face
Kept on spitting in my face

Soon I was on the puff and all my troubles went away
All the furniture came and went
Came and went…
Came and went…
All the friends came and went
Came and went…
Came and went…

Mommy was no longer there
Soon I had no bread nor food to eat
Couldn’t go and borrow by neighbours
Whom I had ignored when I had money on my feet
Asked a neighbour a slice of bread or food to eat
She turned to me and said, “Sorry child,
You know you had it all and never gave me a cent to even say thanks,
That’s what your mom would have done”

It broke my heart to hear those words
Yet I still continued
With Satan’s evils plans
I took out the copper wires and pipes
From the roof that I was under
The roof that mommy had placed me under
When daddy had left for another one younger

The materials would soon come back I said
And sold them for a sniff, a puff and one last huff
Yet that was not enough
Pretty soon there was nothing left of that warm, loving, motherly house
Pretty soon
I waved goodbye to that house in Bluegum Street
Waved goodbye to the good-hearted friends I did meet
We often played in the street bare feet

Pretty soon I had nowhere to sleep
Nowhere to put my feet
Then I started hustling
Selling drugs
And soon I was back to my old self
Taken in by a “new family”
Named The Thugs
After the others gave me up.

Still I missed my mommy during those days…

I cried and cried
When I visited you there
Couldn’t even see your face
All I saw was stone
And a name
A name that I remembered
And then I remembered your face
My tears streamed down
I felt and looked like a clown
I said a prayer for you
I promised to be good
I promised to change for you
I know mommy you will be proud of me soon

The heavens thundered
People ran for cover
The winds howled
The houses shuddered
All was red and blood covered…

Mama! Mama! Mama!
Where are you? I shouted
As I lay there on the ground
The bullet hit my leg, chest and face
I feel like such a disgrace
Mommy, come fetch me!
I want to be by you
Please come fetch me soon
This life in Bontas is too cruel
I want to be by you
Please mommy come and fetch me
And hold me like you used to
Hold me tight against your chest
That’s the only place I felt safe.
That was my special safety nest

Mommy I didn’t want to be like this
The drugs were tempting and I started to use
Mommy please come fetch me
I so disappointed you

I dishonoured your name
I dishonoured your face
I am a disgrace
Please forgive me too
And soon I will head to my grave
I hope to see you soon
I hope to be kissed by you
Don’t look on me with shame
I will soon be in your grace

Mommy I didn’t want to be like this
The drugs were all too much
Mommy I didn’t want to be like this
I know the pain you carried through
I have changed for you
I want to be by you

Mommy I didn’t want to be like this
I know you wanted more from me
I will make you proud in heaven
If I make it through this zoo

If the bullets are out of me
And if I come too
Then mommy I won’t be like this
I will become the hero you once knew!