DETECTIVE HETTIE:(mumbles) Is it, now?

ARTHUR: He wouldn’t give us a reason. Scurvy was a human loving douche. It didn’t make sense.

DETECTIVE HETTIE: Why didn’t you do it?

CECELIA: We aren’t murderers.

MALCOLM:(glares at the Detective) What did you put in the sugar cubes?

JEZZ:(frowns at Malcolm) Huh?

DETECTIVE HETTIE: Ignore Malcolm. Focus on me. What happened at Scurvy’s house?

JEZZ:(turns hesitantly towards detective Hettie) Dinner happened. He needed to discuss your murder. He cooked the turkey.

DETECTIVE HETTIE: Beg your pardon?

ERNIE: He cooked Jilly the Turkey, in an attempt to scare us into doing the job. If we didn’t do it, he would cook Colin next. But it wasn’t Jilly that he cooked.

MALCOLM:(growls) Stop talking. She’s playing with us.

CECELIA:(continues unperturbed) That day Jilly accompanied me home for a mascot photoshoot. We do it monthly for the school’s newsletters. Scurvy mistook Colin for Jilly and cooked him.

ARTHUR: You can’t eat anything enchanted. It’s a very important rule of magic. Your body’s natural defense will reject it. Scurvy forgot that rule when he took a bite of the turkey to taunt us. He ended up choking miserably.

JEZZ: We tried to help. Ernie tried to claw the enchantment out, Malcolm tried to suck it out, I tried to use Satan’s runes and Cecelia tried to heal him by Angel’s law. Arthur placed pennies to draw it out. But none worked and he choked to death.

DETECTIVE HETTIE:(shaking her head) Unbelievable.

ERNIE:(shrugs) We stood there shocked and in disbelief. We knew the law would never believe us so Jezz performed a Transition spell and teleported his body to Old Cow Lake. Crazy Cow lives within its murky waters and eats almost anything. We were sure it would eat Scurvy as well. Only, it didn’t. I guess Crazy Cow doesn’t like enchanted food as well.

Malcolm strides across the room and throws down the teacups from the grasp of each of his friends. Detective Hettie sees this and laughs.

DETECTIVE HETTIE: It’s too late Malcolm. They already said it all.

ARTHUR:(coughs) What is wrong with you Malcolm?

MALCOLM:(hisses into Arthur’s face) She put a bloody truth charm into the sugar cubes. Enchanted food is not meant to be eaten. Or drank. She tricked us.(turns to face the Detective) Tell us your full name.

Cecelia, Jezz and Ernie begin to cough.

DETECTIVE HETTIE:(sighs) Hettie Parker.

ARTHUR:(panting heavily) No.

DETECTIVE HETTIE: Colin Parker was an idiot, yes, but he was my brother. You can’t imagine the grief his disappearance left on my family. I felt suffocated. I had to investigate. The Wizard’s Wand in Colin’s room was the biggest clue. I traced it and discovered that Mr Swallows was in the trade of selling illegal magical objects to scholars. I had planned on arresting him but then he revealed that you five were involved in Colin’s disappearance and had convinced me that you all had done something terrible to Colin. I needed the truth. I had a witch enchant the sugar cubes.

Malcolm approaches the detective with fangs fully extended.

DETECTIVE HETTIE: Wait Malcolm. (Removes a blue vial from her coat) Colin was stupid. Not me. Innocence should be trusted.(walks towards Malcolm) Even for fairy tale monsters.(Hands the vial to Malcolm) You now have the antidote, consider this investigation closed. Now, excuse me, I must go burn Mr Swallow’s body in the backyard.

Detective Hettie exits the lounge with a smile as Malcolm rushes to administer the antidote to his choking friends.