It’s around 4 am in Liso’s bedroom. Liso is tossing and turning, crying in her sleep as if she is having bad dreams. Finally she wakes up. She gets out of bed,  tears are streaming down her face as she sobs loudly for her father. 

Finally, she calms down a bit and she fumbles next to her bed, and pulls out the diary. She starts writing, and as she writes, she reads aloud.  

LISO: (writing) Dear Diary….. This is my first day writing to you. My psychologist said I should try you, and truthfully I am so desperate to feel better, I will do anything! I hope you will listen, because I need someone to hear me.  

Have you ever lost a best friend? Well, I have lost two. I lost my dad to a car crash four months ago, and for a long time I wished I could follow him where he went. Each day I still hope he’s going to knock on my door. I still hope he will bring me candy and the stuffy animals to fill my bedroom. I still hope he will take me to school, and to my public speaking competitions. Hey, I can’t even go to those anymore! Every time I stand to speak my lungs and my heart race and I go into a panic attack. Probably because my dad is not in the audience anymore.

I also lost Linda, who was my best friend since primary school. I can no longer recognise her. She is no longer the sweet, kind and warm sister I grew up with. It hurts me all the time, you know? The nightmares bring me back to the day she called me  selfish. But how was I expected to go out and dance when my heart was shattered by my dad’s passing? Was I expected to put on a fake happy mask and ‘go have fun’? Well I could not!! My nightmares  take me to the day she joined the mean girl squad because she could no longer hang out with the ‘sad little girl who lost her dad’. They take me to her, imitating my panic attacks, asking if the isolation is still working, and competing with me in everything I do. 

So dear diary, how do I stop this pain from haunting my dreams when I sleep? How do I go back to normal? Or when will I find the new normal my psychologist told me about? 

And my mother…  Some days it really breaks my heart, how her smile no longer reaches her ears. But I thank God for her. She is my peace in this storm. She makes things better and I hope I can also be able to be there for her. 

I know you can’t answer me now but thank you for listening.

She sits with her head in her hands for a while, and then begins to get ready for school.