As I look in the mirror someone ugly stares back at me. He’s got acne boiling all over his face. I blink, he must’ve blinked too, because when I winked he did the same.

“Hey, Thabo!” Ah that’s my older brother Mnqobi. “Are you done using the toilet?”

“Yes, I am,” I say swiftly, hiding the scars and swollen spots with soap on my face.

Mnqobi unlocks the door and walks in. He smells really good; his scent fills the bathroom.

“You know…uh, you’re too old now. You should get yourself a girlfriend,” says Mnqobi as he unzips his pants.

“Ohhhw,” is all I can say.

He pees on the seat and makes that long annoying noise ‘Aaaah’ that men do when they are peeing. Why did I become one?

“Ohhhw? Come on say something more than ‘Ohhhw’. Don’t make me doubt you kid,” says Mnqobi, zipping his pants and patting me on the back. Shit, he didn’t wash his hands. He stands behind me, fixes his hair, winks and smiles and walks out. I shut the door and lock it.

I wash my face, wipe it as instructed on the soap box, but then when I look in the mirror, that same horrible face gawks back at me. I can feel my face burning. Why doesn’t this soap work?! I mean it’s been five days, those bastards at the chemist sold me crap.

I take the Aquafresh toothpaste from the sink and press it on the bristles of my toothbrush.

“What kind of a boy spends that much time in the bathroom?” Oops, that’s my father voice. Okay now, pull yourself together, is this how a man brushes his teeth? No, You’re doing it wrong Thabo. Hold on…ohhhw. Is this how a man is supposed to stand? Okay breathe Thabo, breathe, he won’t notice anything. I have probably already messed this up by being too long here. If he asks, I will say I have a running stomach.

“Hey, what’s taking you so long? I need to be in there!” my father shouts behind the door.

I can’t talk with the toothpaste all over my mouth, so I spit it fast as my father hates being ignored.

“Son, are you still using the toilet?” asks my father.

“Yes father, the meat from yesterday really got me…uhh, my stomach…”

“Okay, take your time son,” says my father behind the door.

He walks off. I can’t keep doing this. I have to tell my family who I really. I’m tired of pretending now. I love boys, not girls… I mean girls they’re okay, but not for me. I can’t keep up the act now. It’s who I am and I know Tshepo loves who I am. Tshepo is my boyfriend, I wish my family was like his. They have accepted what or who he is. Wait, is it what he is, or who he is? Well it doesn’t matter, he loves me, that’s what matters. When I get out of here, I have to tell them, yes I must.

Wait, isn’t that the sound of my phone ringing? I know I’m the only with Rihanna’s song set as my ringtone. Eish the ringtone…what if my father hears it or my brother?

“Thabo, your phone is ringing!!” That’s my mother with her squawky voice. Please let it not be Tshepo, please God, please God… I told him I have told my family that I’m gay. What if he answers with: ‘My love…’ please God. Eish and I saved his number with three hearts and my mother likes touching my phone, that woman!

“It’s Tshepo! A girl named Tshepo? Honey, I think our boy has got a girlfriend, should we answer it?”

“No, that would be meddling in his business.” Yes, that’s good father, that would be meddling, tell her.

The phone has stopped ringing. Aaaah, I so hate myself right now. My family don’t deserve this, but I can’t change who I am. I must do something…I must leave. Yes, I must run away and never come back, but where would I go? But that won’t change that I’m gay.

Oh, my phone is ringing again. The sound is getting louder. My mother is coming. “Thabo, Tshepo has called again. She must be really special, saved with hearts,” she says behind the door.

“Ma, don’t answer it. I’m coming out now!”

“No, I want to hear her voice; just her voice and then I’ll give it to you,” says my mother. But this woman, she wants to see the death of me.

“Ma, I said no!”

“Hello… I’m sorry… you’re Tshepo?”

I’m totally screwed now.

“Yes, I am his mother. Nice to meet you too…you’re a boy…”

Oh, my God. Please help her, because I’m going get out of here and strangle her to death.

“Oh, you would like to meet the mother of your what? What do you mean lover?”

Okay, I need to come out and snatch that phone from her before too much is said.

“Ma…” why did I call her that.

“No, no, no, no, not my boy. Not my boy, not my boy!!”

Oh, now she’s going to scream about it. What’s wrong with this woman; she wants my father to hear it. She wants me dead; I’m telling you.

Remember, I said I’m coming out…well I changed my mind. They are going to need a SWAT team to take me out.

“Thabo, open up!!” why’s she screaming, shhhhh before father hears you.

“Mariah, what’s wrong?” Oh, that’s my father;now I’m dead.

I can feel my mother sliding her back down from the door. Why’s she making this a big deal…I mean I’m the one who’s gay, not her. Is she crying? Why is she crying?

“Speak up Mariah, what’s wrong?”

I’m not coming out.

“Mariah, Mariah…talk to me. Mariah, Mariah, Thabo, come out and call the ambulance now!”