I dedicate this to somebody I love so deeply. His name is Nichol Kingsjwimza Mchunu.
All my life, I never really loved someone so deeply and genuinely like I do you, Mr Mchunu. Love to me seemed like a heavy concept and it freaked me out when I realised that I had fallen deeply in love with you. I tried to fight it but I failed. There was an ultimate battle between my mind and my heart. My mind clearly told me: “I am just a naive girl who thinks she can have everything she snaps her finger to.”
Just look at you and me, we are different people. I am a nerdy girl who is a bookworm and you are a handsome, hip hop-rapper who is definitely every girl’s dream.
From a young age I have always dreamt big and aimed high. I guess it’s just the way that I am programmed. I have never, ever loved any of the guys that I have ever been with sincerely and wholeheartedly. It was to pass time because I did not want to be a laughing stock to my friends. All my friends had boyfriends and my fatal flaw was hubris.
That time I never really met a guy that I could say ‘he’s the one’ or the guy I love for real. I fell in love with you right away, when I set my eyes on you and heard your voice, when you performed at school. It was a splendid performance and I kept on asking myself who is that guy? There is definitely something about him and I like it.
You were definitely something I’ve been looking for all my life. I could not stop talking about you, to my fellow classmates. I was curious and inquisitive. I wanted to know who you were and I told myself I had to know who you are. I had a major crush on you. I also knew that it was just a ludicrous crush and if I approached you, you might not feel the same way because first of all, you do not even know me. I am just a nonentity and I had to prepare myself for rejection.
You were nice and I was timorous that you would laugh at me.
You did not and that time you were in relationship with somebody else. I had to accept that and it hurt as hell. It stung like a bee. I told myself that I am a big girl and life moves on. One day is one day. I do not give up and that’s not how my mind operates. As long as I am still breathing you will be mine someday.
I was full of rage and bitterness, to be stuck with a guy I do not even love.
Every time he touched or kissed me, I felt like exploding or got nauseous. I could not stand the guy and I shunned him, hiding behind my school work. I thought about you a lot and it killed me alive to not be with you. I have always been a hip hop lover from a young age but some say I am into it just because of you. I really do love your music. You produce good music and you are going places. You are a talented young man with charismatic looks of course.
When you told me that you loved me I thought you were messing with my mind and toying with my feelings. It really scared me to a point that my heart was pulsating like racing cars from fast and furious. It felt like a dream that was too good to be true. It felt like a dream that I did not want to be woken from and if a person woke me up from that dream during that time, I would have hated them for their entire lifetime.
You have a nice, tranquil voice and it really charmed me; making me feel like fainting. Now I truly believe that you love me. The way you kissed me and I felt it. I love you so much and I think I will never survive living a life without you babes. I love you for being you and you are a precious gem. You are a blessing, Macingwane.
Tell us: Are you in love? What would you like to say to your love?