Muffled screams and broken dreams, bruised cheeks and chapped lips. Missing front teeth and torn clothes. I still can’t believe I chose you, my heart betrayed me and found comfort in the hands of my killer. My master, as you caged me, you took away the keys of my freedom and threw them to hell. Own me you say, I shouldn’t have friends you say, I’m not allowed to go out you say. I’m a hoe you say! Am I your companion or your prisoner, your lover or punching bag?

Tears roll down my face as I think of how you’ve turned my life into your own. I have turned into a lifeless puppet, you pull the strings as you like, I drop and bow down before you as the puppetmaster. What evil have I done to deserve your wrath? The same arms that are supposed to shield and protect me from evil inflict harm and pain on me. Tell me, my love, when will it end?

Every time I try to end us you send threats my way; Lord knows how much I want to leave you. But each time I try, I end up in a hospital bed or coma. I cut off my family, friends and everyone for you, only to find out I was choosing a monster. You have not only killed my soul, but the little soul that was growing inside me. I thank God He took his or her life so they wouldn’t live to witness the life their mother was living and how much of a devil their father was.

I heard sirens and voices from a distance, I was suddenly snapped from my thoughts. I tried opening my eyes, but everything was blank, my body unable to move. I felt a very strong sensation; I could see a light in the distance then. Could it be my soul was escaping my body? I suddenly felt light, like I was weightless and floating. That’s when I realised that I was floating above my own body, a corpse that Lubanzi mercilessly beat until it was lifeless. I was dead! Asanda was no more.

If only I had walked out sooner, would I be alive? If only I had sought help sooner, if only I had the courage to walk out. If only, but I’m no more.

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Childline: You may call the Helpline 24/7 on 116 (free from all networks) OR you can visit the online counselling chatrooms (a D/deaf Friendly Service) Monday-Friday, 11am-1pm and 2-6pm to chat to a counsellor
Lifeline: 0861 322 322
Rape Crisis: 021 447 9762
SADAG (The South African Depression and Anxiety Group): 0800567567

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Tell us: What helpful advice do you have someone being abused?