Note of Suicide

She wrote:
I didn’t mean for things to turn this sour and I surely didn’t mean to cower. But I’ve been trying to be happy with certain things. I tried to show a smile but I know you could gather in a mile that it was more like a frown. You gave me a crown and told me I’m your queen but baby these thoughts have been ruling me, steady ruining my self-esteem. I want to tell you my love that there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop me from getting to this point.

It’s just that I’m at a point of no return and in turn I have this loaded gun by my side, ready to end it all. See I tried to keep up with the world but the world has been heavy on my shoulders. And I’m not strong enough to carry this weight of the world. I love you but depression is not loving me.

I know you must be tired of the belligerents in me. Remember the time I put my hands on you and I swore I’d never do it again, but I did? I’m sorry. I have demons in me but today I’m taking them to the grave with me.

Although I’m scared, living with anxiety is scarier. Carry on without me, don’t you ever feel like you owe me something. Don’t you ever feel like you can’t live without me and don’t you ever doubt that your presence was enough for me. Nobody ever made me feel like I’m on top of the world like you did. Everybody always made me feel invincible but today I believe they’ll pretend they saw me. Today they’ll pretend that they actually tried to reached out to me, just hope they reach out to you, just hope they watch out for you.

I never thought I’d give up like this but nobody knows how things go sometimes. Take care of yourself, don’t keep to yourself. I’m ready to accept my fate and I know it’s fate that we met on that fateful day. This is my final letter to you and I’m sorry but it’s better this way, at least for me.

You always you used to say I’m selfless but today I feel like being selfish. May the Lord forgive me for this sin. I hope I see you in the next life heart of mine.

Yours truly, your first love.

***

Tell us: Have you ever lost a loved one to suicide? How did you cope with their death?

12 Responses

I've neva but it's a hard situation and if it happens I don't think I will cope I will go crazy

NtleOre60 · 3 years ago

Yeah I have, he threw himself towards a car that was speeding by. Tell me, who commits suicide at 12years of age ?? If it wasn't for the traffic cameras I would have suspected foul play

Seira · 3 years ago

I have never but I think its so difficult to cope with such tragedy

thandiantonia · 3 years ago

Nop

Feziwe Nzima · 3 years ago

It really pisses me off to think that they are people who think that suicidal people are cowards .try to put yourself in someone's shoes!!!!

Mufunwa · 4 years ago

Life constantly brings challenges . Depression is something that needs to be taken care of . Let's check up on our friends

Yes I did my friend and the last thing she said to me before she did it is "I still love you". I kinda blamed my self for not checking up on her that day 😞

Moles · 4 years ago

Well said @Yathitha couldn't agree more

Furas94 · 5 years ago

Committing suicide is not being selfish and cowardice, it's what depression does to you and anxiety. It's the constant fear that you have to live with.That search for perfection thou you never find it. So personally I'd like suicidal people to not be judged but supported. Unite each other other than bringing each other down and being treated like a failure. I know how this gal was feeling and all she needed was help not criticism.

Yathitha · 5 years ago

I skipped half the piece... I believe committing suicide is the cowards way of dealing with life, and also being extremely selfish. Forgetting about the ones that love and cherish your presence in their lives. :-(

RaGee20001 · 5 years ago

Suicide is tragedy, tragic, horrifying

Liz Lisitenzi · 6 years ago

facts only... Understandable note.. Full of truth.

MurunwerMercyMafadza · 6 years ago