My heart’s still yearning for him. But until when? When will it end and how? It’s been a while though to have such feelings. I loved him but I know it will never last, it will never end well either. Just like the past ones. That is why I’ve decided to just leave while I still can.

From 2015 I’ve been living the same life when it comes to relationships. Married men ain’t my choice but they are what I get all the time. I remember how I loved Sya. I couldn’t live without him. He was my other half and what did I gain? Heartbreak. Then I met my lovely baby daddy only to find out he had two other baby mamas he kept a secret.

It was school holiday I remember. Walking past my school to my lovely bestie. I saw him looking at me desperately. He was washing his car outside his house. I pretended not to see him. I walked on to my friend’s house and we chit-chatted until my curfew.

It was time to go home. I passed outside his again. He was still there. This time around he followed me by his car. Asked me to get in. I avoided him. I continued walking. When I got to the main road he was there.
“What’s up with this guy, kant?”
“Hey beautiful, can I give you a lift?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine,” I said.
“I insist.”
“So what’s your name?”
“I’m Mbaliyethemba.”
“Can I get your number?”
“What for?”
“Oh wow, I didn’t see that coming…I want to call you and chat with you some other time.”
“OK, you can have it.”
He picked up his phone and entered my number.
“OK, thank you, Mbali.”

He dropped me home. I asked my sisi if she wanted a man and laughed at her. I told her that he has a car and money. But the truth still remained – he wanted me.
Months went by and he was still a pain in my ear. Until he asked me out in June. Took me to his house to have a look at it. When I got home I was blushing. That’s where it all started. We dated but my instinct told me something else. Maybe this guy was married. I asked him several times if he was married or if he had a girlfriend. He told me that they’d recently broke up.
Months went by until it was September, my birth month. I told him that it was my birth month and he promised to take me out. I was so pleased. Days went by. He began changing. We didn’t chat often. He went to bed early.
“What is wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“No, don’t lie to me, please tell me,” I begged.
He sighed, “My ex is staying at my house for a month, she’s claiming that she’s pregnant with my child. We don’t have to see each other until she leaves.”

I was confused and wondered why he wouldn’t let me in because of his ex.
Tell us: What would you do in her situation?
My Own – Chapter 2
Days went by…he never kept his promise on my birthday. Then one Friday he took me to a mall and bought me a pizza and a drink. I saw that he was in a rush. He quickly dropped me home. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was tossing and turning. My heart was racing.
The next morning, I woke up looking forward to his house. I was caught by two voices giggling and laughing, playing inside my head. One said, “Knock” the other said, “Don’t”. I ended up knocking.
“Who’s there?” he asked.
“It’s me,” I said.
He pretended not to know me. He denied me and didn’t open the door. I went back home drained. I had so many questions but found no answers.

Day later, he came back apologising, I forgave him. I loved him after all. Everything seemed fine after that. Until November when I found out I was pregnant with his child. I was stressed, how was I going to deal with a baby in Grade 11? But I wouldn’t terminate my baby. I loved my baby. I told him about the pregnancy and he told me he didn’t want it. He told me to get an abortion. I begged and cried. But he had already made an appointment for the termination, he lied to me saying it was just a regular check-up. They asked me how many weeks I was. I told them. They said because it was early the termination would be successful. Abortion? I was never told of that. He forced me to swallow the pills.

He took me back home, I went straight to bed. I started shivering. I had a runny stomach, until I fell asleep. I woke up in the morning, nothing had happened. I didn’t see any blood. Around midday I felt cramps, abdominal pains. The blood went down my legs. The pain was unbearable. I bled for a full month. He was not anywhere to be seen. I never heard of him again. I was left all alone in the dark.
December holidays passed. I had recovered from the trauma. I was now doing my Grade 12. I passed my matric. I moved on. Everything went well.

I then met Nzuzo. Nzuzo hid that he had a fiancee. I fell so deeply in love with him that I saw a future with him. But he showed me who he really was. I was now a punching bag being called by names. All sort of names. The day I woke up in the hospital, it is when I swore to myself never to date again.
But then I met and married Nduduzo, whom I have fallen in love with. He shivers my spine whenever I’m with him. But it will never end well, that’s for sure. That’s why I chose to leave. I’m afraid of falling in love again. When will I find my own?

***

Tell us: Do you think that she should give love another chance?