How I fell for you is a mystery to me. Was it so unexpected that I’ve forgotten how it all started? Does that mean it’s real love?
My morning breath…you seem to not mind that.
One evening turned to every weekend and every weekend wants to turn to every evening. I want it to. I can’t lie, and I know that you want it too. I pray that we won’t become a statistic. Everyone keeps saying the worst possible things about us. I’m not tired yet but I’m getting pissed. Pardon my French, but it’s getting out of hand.
Sam and I have been dating for about a month. I’m in love and so is he. I knew better than to be so emotionally, physically and mentally attached to a human being of the opposite sex, but I did it anyway. I have no regrets yet. Everything is happening so fast that it’s scaring everyone, especially my family.
The longest I’ve stayed over at Sam’s house was a record-breaking 5 days. That’s very taboo in these parts, if you are not married. That’s one of the factors upsetting everyone. I listen to “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman a lot and it’s starting to feel like the song for this journey we are on. I hate rebelling against my family but as a 26-year-old woman I need to make my own decisions, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong in their eyes. I know they’ve been on this earth longer and that they know better, but why can’t they let us be?
We played in the snow the other day. I felt like I was in a movie. I wonder how he felt? I never asked but we had so much fun. We laughed so hard. He made the biggest snowballs, so big that I failed to dodge most of them. Mine also got him a few times. I fell on my butt a couple of times. Our hands were freezing. We went inside and we sat and talked for hours by the fire. I’m such a sucker for all things romantic. To be honest, I see romance in all the things we do. I pray to The Lord Almighty that I’m not deceiving myself or us or Him.
My morning breath…you seem to not mind that.
Like Drake says in “Unforgettable”, I’m looking forward to the memories of right now. I have so many regrets from my two previous relationships that I promised myself that when I met someone again, I’d give them my all. Could that be the reason for why the attacks are coming from all sides? I’m not sure; it’s just something I keep asking myself. In the midst of it all, I’m happy. It’s not all bad.
I don’t understand Sam’s logic. He wants a child already and let me tell you, we are nowhere near ready. He had a child but she’s in heaven now. She died about three years ago and I can see how that has wounded him deep in his soul. I cannot even begin to imagine his pain. I obviously can’t make him feel better but God can. That’s why I pray for him more than I do for myself.
Speaking of prayer, I haven’t spoken to God in a while, not in the way that I used to. I feel myself getting lost and I know that’s something I’ve done to myself. Love is not supposed to take you away from God and your relationship with Him. I hate what I’ve let myself slip into and I hate talking to God only when I want something. I have so many plans for my life and it seems I’ve taken God out of them. I’m ashamed and I have no idea how to even begin to apologise to the Lord, how to get back to where we were.
Dear God (My letter to my Father)
It’s me. Of course you know it’s me, but first of all I want to say that I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m sorry for slipping away from you. I’m sorry for turning back to what you saved me from. It’s been hectic, but I know that you already know that. This being in love thing has ruined me. I know that I let it ruin me and ‘us’.
You know that I love Sam, but you love him more than I’ll ever understand. Where to from now though? How do I begin to pick up the pieces of my life and my career and everything? My relationship with my Mum seems to be getting worse the longer I’m with Sam. I know your will for me is to be happy and prosperous in every area of my life but the fact that it’s not happening yet doesn’t mean that I’m not in your will somehow. Help me to see you. I also promise to open my eyes. I promise to listen even though it’s hard to hear the truth.
I pray that you will give me the courage to stomach it all, to move on, and to be where you want me to be. I pray that Sam is also a part of that plan. I pray that my family learns to accept him and I pray to be restored. I pray that he too will be restored. I pray that you defend him in the face of all the lies that have come up about him.
I pray in Jesus’ name,
Our story is just the beginning. I can feel that lots of things are about to happen for us, as a couple and as individuals. I’m working on my singing career. I’m approaching a couple of investors to invest in my 22-song video album. As an upcoming artist that is scary, risky and crazy as heck, but I’m going for it. I’m working on a lot of things because I want to be someone before I say I need someone.
It’s funny how my morning breath doesn’t bother you…
Tell us what you think: What would you do if everyone, especially your parents, were against your relationship?