I never believed in the term ‘the guilty are always afraid’ because my conscience never betrayed me. I was the man who always got away with murder, but forgot that I could never hide away because the truth always comes out, no matter the colour of the day.

My life turned into the fast and the furious — it was all about running without resting. Some days it felt like I was a camel trapped in a human’s body because thirst never struck my throat.

The police became my audience and my community became my ATM because for me, money grew from a human. They say nights are for sleeping, but I for one took night as my enemy.

The life of a gangster became a living dream for me; money was never hard to get. It was like rats in Alexandra, you do not need a magnifying tool to find them, they were just all over the show. I never craved anything as I consumed everything.

The sad part was that I enjoyed my life while causing others pain. By that time, I was too blind to notice that the very same police who had turned into my audience would one day become my bitter guards. That’s when I found myself behind bars, wearing an orange uniform where no one cared about me, but wished everything bad for me.

The arrest was not punishment enough as my guilty conscience whipped my mind clean of everything and only focused on all the blood I had spilled, the lives I had destroyed and the pain that I caused my community.

I thought I would survive the stress, but it seems like it overcame me and led me to coughing it out to you. It is about my gangster life and today I’m facing suffering alone.


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