I’m broken not because you broke me, I’m broken because I’ve dealt with situations that did. We both know what happened and the situation wasn’t ideal for you or me. Maybe I wasn’t open enough about what it did to me, but that’s just something I will never be able to forget. The pain was just so intense that it tore my soul apart.

Honestly, I never looked at you the same way as I did when we first met. That’s when I basically fell out of love with you. With all the commotion that went on last year I just became more broken, broken to the extent that I’ve partially lost myself. I hated myself and some days I still do.

Yes, I agreed to try again and fix our relationship and somehow I still feel the emptiness.
Like when you hold me or hug me, I don’t feel that connection; it’s like I’m holding onto nothing.

This is something I personally have to figure out. I have to find myself in order to feel whole again.

Some days I just wish I could show you my heart so that you’ll know how torn it really is. You can love someone unconditionally, but you can also hate that person unbelievably. I don’t want to get to the part where I hate you, because that will break you.

I need you to understand that all of the words said above, that’s how I really feel and that won’t be changing anytime soon.

I need ME time, I need to find my old self.

Remember you have your job and you get to see other people. I don’t have that and the only time I see people is when time allows it. Husband, kids and the house, that’s what my life consists of.
It’s like I have nothing other than that.

Sometimes I just feel so suffocated, can’t breathe, can’t sleep, can barely eat. It’s like my life is flashing right before my eyes and there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped and somewhat dead inside.

I hope that whatever I said makes you understand why I’m holding back everything.

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