I loathe him with all of my being, was he not afraid to commit sin? Did he not have an ounce of doubt in his mind? What made him as brave as to commit such an atrocious act? Does he sleep at night; does he ever think back to what happened that day?
God are you going to punish him? Or are you just a selfish human being who enjoys people begging in prayer for your blessings only for them not to be granted? Loathe is such a strong word to utter, but I utterly hate him. I wish a vile death upon him; I wish that he gets bitten by wild dogs.
How did he muster up the courage to wipe out a whole family only to leave the children to live in dire poverty along with their grandmother? My grandmother might have forgiven you for what you did but I will never. No matter how much you ask for forgiveness, I shall never forgive and forget.
Every year around this time, I too yearn for a mother’s love, I too would love to have bought presents and made mothers’ day cards to bring home. Yes, granny is there but she cannot fill the gap you have left, mother I yearn for your touch.
Why won’t God let me perish and be with you in the afterlife. Ever since you’ve left us everything has been so difficult. We live from hand to mouth. Granny works as a domestic worker for the Williams family and if she’s lucky enough, she brings the leftovers home so that Mpho and I can eat.
She tries her utmost best to keep us happy but cannot fill the void that you and Baba left. I started my period for the first time and you were not there. I had my first kiss under a peach tree on Valentine’s day and I couldn’t tell you about it because you were not there. I started high school and saw how excited other children were alongside their parents. I felt so terrible and granny couldn’t even make it.
After your death uncle Tebogo put us out of our home. We had to go back to the township and erect a small shack. He put us out like dogs, our neighbours watched as our clothes were thrown in the street like we were beggars, that bastard showed no mercy on us. Especially not after what I saw him do to you and Baba. He has no respect, not even for the woman who birthed him.
Nkoko, Mpho and I moved to the township and I had to enrolled at Kagiso Primary School. It wasn’t that bad for the first few months, until we started running out of grocery supplies. The money that Nkoko made from her job was not even enough to sustain us. I remember at the end of the third term, my school shoes were badly worn and I had to walk in the rain with badly torn shoes. When I got to school my feet were soaked with water, how I wish you were here. Nkoko makes us go to church every Sunday and every Sunday I pray to the good Lord to better our lives.
I’ve heard that Tebogo has moved in with his family in our former home and that he has taken over Baba’s taxi business. Sometimes I wonder how life would’ve turned out had both of you not died. I have a vivid picture painted in my memory of what happened that day, Baba came from work like any other usual day but that day he brought two barbie dolls for Mpho and I. When he entered through the kitchen door we all glistened with excitement.
Mom was busy cooking supper for us that day, the phone rang and she answered it. The caller said that there was a shooting at the taxi rank and that Baba had to urgently make his way there. Just when Baba was about to open the door three men came running into our yard holding rifles in their hands, I was peeping through my bedroom window, one shot Baba in the head and down he fell to the ground.
Mama couldn’t stop screaming, she must’ve pissed herself wet and asked them not to hurt Mpho and I, uncle Tebogo took off his mask. I was shook with fear that I almost fainted, he shot mama in the chest. That day was when my life and my siblings’ lives had changed forever. He then left with two other men he was with to brutally kill my parents. I was 12 years old when my parents died, I knew who had killed them, he never was arrested. He took over my parents’ home, cars and money and left Nkoko and us to languish in poverty.
I hate Malume Tebogo. He disgusts me so much. Granny says I should forgive him, and that he has connections with the police and that is why he is still roaming the streets while he brutally murdered my parents.
Tell us: Would you forgive Malume Tebogo if you were in his family’s shoes? Why or why not?