All my life I grew up without knowing what being loved was like, because I was isolated from other children when I was growing up, not because other children didn’t want to play with me, but because I never wanted to be around anybody. I started dating in grade 8; that was my first time loving someone; I never knew that he didn’t love me back. So we dated for two years, then one day he just suddenly changed and became a beast. He wanted to kill me just because I didn’t want to have sex with him.
He said he would do anything to get my virginity, even if it meant threatening to kill me. I fought my way out of his elbows so that I could get some air. Then, I got my control back, telling him that I didn’t want to see him ever again. I needed someone to talk to, but no one seemed to be there for me whenever I needed them, especially my mom. I always tried to make conversation with my mom, but she always shouted and screamed at me. So whenever I am down, angry or alone, I bottle it all up.
So while at the process of forgetting about love, I met a girl. Yeah, I’m bisexual. She was cute but a year younger than me. We started dating and we were so perfect. We would always solve problems together, and we didn’t care about what people said about us. For the first time I actually felt loved and appreciated; she was the only one who could understand me. For the first time I actually loved someone with all my heart.
She always said we had each other in this lonely road as we searched for happiness. I always said to her we’d been through hell and back but were still growing strong. We knew that there was lots of disapproval of our relationship. My mother hated her a lot, so we kept it a secret. I thought everything was okay between us until she decided to dump me, giving me some lame excuses. But I let her go. I didn’t want to fight because I’m not a fighting person. So this was the first time I cried for someone, and it was also my first time being so heartbroken.
Then again, where was my mother and friends when I needed them? Did they know how badly I needed them? Yes, they knew I needed them, but they just didn’t care. My mom always said that when I started dating I must talk to her, she said she would be my friend. But she was never there as a mother or as a friend. That is why I never believed in love and I never trusted anyone. But all I ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated…
Tell us: Do you feel loved and appreciated?