There were times when it didn’t feel good to be me. My friends were not my friends and I had nothing good going for me. I couldn’t stomach the pains, stress and hatred that I received afterwards. I wanted to know why and how did I get to be in that position. Was it punishment for something that I didn’t remember?
It hurts to find out that those who are supposed to be your friends are the most powerful enemies you happen to have. The pains were that of a mother after losing her first and last kid.
They keep on saying love them all but trust no one and I thought trust goes with love. How could I love someone I don’t trust? Forgiveness is one of the processes that take so long to achieve. But there is always something that comes by to remind you of the pain. Is there any way that we could forget yesterday’s life and focus on the present future? If so, God show me the way. I feel relieved but the pain always comes back time after time.
Everyone knew of my bad side and knew less about my pains. I felt like I was the wrong one. I never had to open up about my pains; I struggled to sleep at night. I had only a few friends, female friends. All the male ones were still after what I lost in pains.
I had no boy to trust. I still don’t trust any boy. Can anyone trust me if I don’t trust them in return? I’m just a soul without courage to love and trust at the same time. I ask God every night about when and how will I gain my trust back. The only things I trust are my soul and my shadow. I will never let life play hard to achieve goals with me. I keep on pretending that I have forgotten; that there is no pain when I get to be reminded. I smile back to every crony that I had. I keep it real in a fake way.
Sometimes I wish things could be back to normal. No, I don’t think I wish for that. If time goes back I would still face the same pains again. The important part is I got to live on. They call it moving on; I call it life. I’ve got friends who I can call best friends. I trust someone.