Through scars of memories that never heal and past leaking wounds that were created by lies, I’ve realised that someone can love your looks, but it is only your heart and your personality that can make someone want to stay with you forever.
It was a wonderful morning: Birds were singing melodiously, skies were very blue, oceans were overflowing because of the summer rain and it was a bright summer’s day. I was with Tshidi at her apartment and she was angry – very angry!
She said, “Teboho, why did you break my heart?”
In reply I said, “Tshidi please forgive me, I know that dating Lerato was a mistake, but apart from anything, I just wanted our relationship to grow. When you left me for Mlungisi, it truly broke my heart. I feel like I’ve lost everything as you were the reason behind my smiles.”
Tshidi said, “Dating Mlungisi was only to make you jealous.”
I said, “Tshidi, do you still love me?”
She sighed, “Yes I still love you, but I refuse to believe that you and I belong together…that we are the melody in a wind lost in time, because the wounds and regrets of my heart whisper loneliness.”
I really needed Tshidi back in my life but it was a difficult situation. Lerato was falling for my charms again yet I loved Tshidi. It seemed like I would have to play them both, even if it would be heart breaking if they found out.
Tshidi seemed to reject my feelings. She pretended that she didn’t love me, but deep down her heart, she knew that her feelings for me had never died. Perhaps she was scared that I would break her heart again because I was the cause of the pain and the tears she had cried lately. She was still with Mlungisi and said that she couldn’t break his heart for me because he had always been nothing but good to her, that he’s the one who mended her wounds and scars after our break up. So, she faded from my arms.
The next morning I made a phone call to Lerato and asked her to come and visit me. I knew that I had not been good to her. Taking her out for dinner was the best thing that I could ever do to fix the problems we had and, at the end of the night, I wanted to see her in my bed.
She agreed to go out for dinner with me but on one condition: she wanted to bring her friend Lesedi. Whereas I, quite simply, wanted her all to myself. I thought that my day was ruined and I questioned my heart. What should I do? Should I agree to her terms and conditions?
The answer I gave was: “It’s fine, you can come with her.”
A Few hours later, she arrived with her friend Lesedi. By then, I had changed the plan and had decided to prepare the evening meal in my apartment. The dresses they were wearing that night truly left me charmed! When Lesedi twirled, the smell of her perfume appealed to some hideous parts of me. It seemed her lips and her smile mirrored my vivid feelings and the excitement of the moment.
How would I find kissing Lesedi’s lips? Perhaps Lesedi was the one who was specially made for me? Those were my thoughts.
The dinner that I had with Lesedi and Lerato was splendid but the problem was that I was falling for Lesedi’s charms. What am I doing? was the question in my heart. Why did I seem to love Lesedi more than Lerato? “Let me just follow my heart!” my mind was saying at that moment, because I was lost in Lesedi’s eyes.
So yesterday, as she gave me her number, because I had seduced her with my charms, my heart was thinking that Lesedi and I could be like Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose. Quite simply, I felt like I wanted more of that and that was that! After they left, my heart was confused.
“Eish, what should I do?” I asked myself in the morning when I woke up. “Should I pick up my phone and call her?” A Few seconds passed and then I picked up my phone and dialled. The phone rang and rang until, finally, Lesedi picked it up and “hello” was whispered into my ear from her sweet angelic voice.
I said, “Hello Lesedi, how are you doing?” Before she could answer I said, “Yesterday you made me fall for your charms, and I was lost in your eyes and I want those eyes to get to know me properly, because it seems like they don’t know me yet.
Lesedi was silent for a while and then she asked, “What about Lerato, she’s my friend?”
In reply I said, “I know that, but I would like to take you out for dinner tonight so that we can get to know each other better.”
She said, “But Tebza, she is my friend and I cannot betray her like that! She’s the one who introduced me to you.”
In response I said, “Perhaps that introduction was meant for you and I to find each other? Would you please just give us a chance?”
“About dinner, what if I said it was fine? Would you keep it between us?” She asked.
“Yes I would, because it’s just dinner and, quite frankly, it wouldn’t be wise for Lerato to know.” The conversation was getting quite interesting because she was a woman of substance.
Lesedi finally agreed and said, “Teboho, come and pick me up at the corner of your beloved kasi, Brakpan, this evening – but this stays between us!”
So where should we go for dinner?” I asked. She chose Sandton and in response I said, “Okay, that’s fine”.
The taxi took us straight to the restaurant at 7h30 – the hands of time were moving faster than I could count. They had already prepared the table for us and we sat down. I asked Lesedi if we could order some wine while we were waiting for our five-star meal.
She replied, saying, “Yes please!”
I immediately called a waiter, “Sure bro, can you please serve us the best wine of this restaurant?”
The waiter said, “Certainly sir, coming right up.”
Things were moving fast, so we ordered more wine with our evening meal. We ate, finishing the dinner with smiles, as we played footsie-footsie under the table. The thing was, Lesedi loved me the first day she saw me but was scared that her friend would find out. So, she thought it best that she stayed away. That was our conversation during dinner.
Eish, she always wanted me like I want her! my heart thought, as we spoke.
Dinner went well between Lesedi and I. For us to get home was a long trip and we were drunk – that wine had knocked us out.
Lesedi said, “Teboho, I’m tired and I cannot go home at this time, it’s late.”
“What do you suggest, then?” I asked.
She said, “Let’s book a hotel just for tonight! But Teboho, no funny business, we are going there to sleep.”
I agreed. I payed the bill at the restaurant and I went to book a hotel.
A few minutes later, we were in the hotel room. So now that thing I had wanted from her from the first day that I saw her, was near me – just a few steps away. I questioned my heart, “what should I do?” The answer was for me to tell her, to confess.
“Lesedi, I want you tonight.” As it was the wine talking and not me, I felt as though I was already sinking deep down into her lips and as she answered me, it was as if they were moving in slow motion. I was in love with mortal affairs at that moment. There were no regrets as long as I got what I had been longing for since we met.
Lesedi said, “Teboho, you know that we can’t!”
In reply, I said: “Shhhhhh!” I kissed her as she looked straight into my eyes. In a second, she kissed me back. She took off my shirt and I took off her beautiful red dress. I held her body tightly and we started breathing heavily as I unclipped her bra. I took her to bed and protection was the last thing we had on our minds at that moment.
We woke up with regrets. We were naked but we refused to believe that we had slept together. Lesedi was moody and not feeling too well and left early that morning.
Three weeks passed as the clouds covered the earth with the darkness of time, to let light fade away from the memories of betrayal. Four weeks passed without Lesedi talking to me.
“What should I do?” I thought about dropping it and waiting to see what happened.
Then Lesedi payed me a visit in my apartment. I was very surprised and wondered. Why now? After all these weeks, it was clear that she didn’t want to speak to me anymore. “Lesedi, what brings you here?” I asked.
In reply she said, “Teboho, there is something important I need to tell you.”
“What is it that you want to tell me? Oh I get you; you simply want us to go out for dinner to tell me that you still love me?”
“No, I’m four weeks pregnant with your child, Teboho!”
Shocked, I said, “Wait, wait…how sure are you that this is my child?” My mind knew it must be a lie. “It was just a once off thing! That’s why I refuse to believe that I’m going to be the father of your child! How could I possibly be so stupid?” With my mind reeling, I said, “Will you get an abortion, because you know that you and I cannot betray Lerato like this?”
“No I’m not going to do an abortion! You want to take my blessings away from me.”
I said, “What should I do?”
In reply she said, “Go and end things between you and Lerato, you need to start being responsible. Tell her, she deserves to know the truth.”
I took a taxi to her apartment and found her. It was hard for me, but I had to tell her the truth.
I said, “Lerato, last month I did something that I should have not done.” I had just met her but I was trembling just looking into her eyes.
“Who is it?” she asked, “Just be honest with me and all will be well…”
“It’s Lesedi.” She didn’t speak, so I filled the silence. “Lerato, perhaps our lives are not our own from womb to tomb. We are bound to others, past and present, by each crime and every kindness. That might be the reason why I refuse to believe that you and I were simply a melody in the wind, lost in time. Rather we were controlled by phenomenally strong, unseen forces. These forces begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. As you know, Lesedi is a woman of cultural values. Nobility always plays its part and that might be the reason why I am leaving you tonight.”
Lerato said, “Is this how it all ends between us?”
I replied, “Most certainly. What more is left for us? After tonight you will know that our relationship was impossible.”
If love was a novel, ours was a short story.