A four letter word, it’s simple, isn’t it? But as you continue the journey of understanding it, you get lost along the way. When it hits you, you will definitely feel like you don’t deserve this, well, we all do and at the end of the storm we try by all means to ensure that we pick up the pieces and move along. Murphy’s Law says, “If anything can go wrong, it will regardless of the thing you do to change the situation, if it’s meant to be it will,” and yes, I was in this situation. At first, everything was amazing, you know having that freedom to feel loved for the first time can actually trigger some feelings for you, and there I was feeling in love, safe without worrying about what might come next. My life was perfect, having him by my side was the best thing, he was tall, cute, and loving.

I met him when I was 19 and he was 21. We both had dreams of becoming stars. Everything seemed so perfect when he was around. The moment I stared at his eyes was like I just saw the male version of myself.

He smelled like lilies on an ocean basket, it wasn’t easy to neglect all of these aspects about him. He was so irresistible, but even though I loved him, he just could not take it, and he was a conman.

It all started when I found out he had a two-month-old baby boy with some girl from the south. I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy to digest all of this but I was a fool, I chose to stay. At that time I was still drunk in love and stupid. I couldn’t even see a loaded gun in front of me.

I just kept on falling harder. Being a step-mom wasn’t easy but I tried by all means to ensure that he was better every day. He had no job then, no school, on the other side he was a dad. Even though I knew all of these things about him I chose to stay.

Then as time went by, I got a job. I was not earning too much, but it was enough for me and my family. I remember when he would ask for cash saying he wanted to register some of his beats, and I would foolishly give him some. He always said he was doing this for us and I believed him, the way he fraudulently expressed love, I ended up being serious about him.

He started to know my friends, family, colleagues and every move I took. I didn’t have a problem with that as he was my man. So we went to places to perform, and our lives were amazing! The promises he made about our future were amazing too but at the same time his family didn’t like me. They thought I was the reason why he was not at school.

Sorry, I found him this way, and I was willing to change that because his greatest desire was to go to school, graduate and become a cook, that was not what he really wanted but he did it for his family!

We grew stronger. I was still working and taking care of him but he could not see that. I guess being exposed to new things really got into his mind, as he was still trying to fit in with the university students. He ended up not seeing what was right in front of him. As I was so in love with him I became patient with everything he did, but I knew that I was breaking inside.

We tried to work things out and boom, we were back together. We were full of romance, compromises, and love. His school friend used to say that we were inseparable, and I believed that! I was too attached in such a way that I couldn’t even see the water trying to go above my head.

One month later I found out I was pregnant. I did not know what to do or say about this to anyone. My boyfriend already knew that I was pregnant but the painful thing is that he told me he did it all on purpose so that I would not be able to be away from him. I was so frustrated, thinking why he did this to me knowing well all my dreams and purposes in life? Unfortunately, nobody was there to answer that question. He was staring at me while I was hallucinating.

I started to show up! This was all new to me; seeing a real human being growing inside my slim belly. But I chose to stay strong and see what the world had for me. During my pregnancy we were love birds, it was like our love had renewed itself.

The date was the 25th of January and there was my cute little princess with bold lenses and a beautiful chubby face. At first I could not believe that I am actually a mom now, but I got used to it as time passed. With my man by my side I didn’t see anything going wrong. He was supportive and loving at first but he suddenly changed. He had found himself a new girlfriend that really got to me. I spent days thinking, how could he do this to me? I even thought of committing suicide! But the look in my baby’s eyes gave me strength to fight because I mattered!

I guess he played his cards well but as we all know, time tells everything and the truth reveals itself. Being betrayed by that one person I trusted wholeheartedly is the most traumatising experience I’ve ever had. One day, he begged for forgiveness, and we were back again. He was good at making empty promises. He was still in contact with this other girl behind my back and I chose to stay away, thinking he might come back to his senses, but he never did.

I put more focus on what I needed the most because stressing and fussing around him was not an option. Being into emotions as if the world had stopped because of my love for him was not worth it. It would only affect me and my child and put my work in jeopardy, that is the only risk I couldn’t take. I was proud of the decision I made. At the end of it all, I matter and cannot go back in time and modify whatever that I did wrong. But I can ensure that my child’s future is brighter than his greediness, surely that’s how I learn how to survive when life hits hard. I am proud of him because I would not have become the person I am today if it wasn’t for him being a conman.

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