Women’s stories are important.

As women, we are told how to feel, look and act every day by a variety of sources, and when we’re not doing it the ‘right’ way, we blame ourselves rather than the outside world. Every woman is taught to be self-critical— to wonder why she’s not someone better, thinner, taller, brighter, sportier, healthier, more generous, more driven. These thoughts often form a negative cycle where we look further and further inside ourselves for the source of the problem, until we end up with our hearts and heads in crisis.

One of the most valuable things we can do to get ourselves out of this deep hole of self-loathing is to spend time with a girlfriend who has been there and who can empathise. With friends, we can reveal our darkest secrets, discuss our hopes, fears and dreams, and this sharing of our experiences builds us up in a way that the best diet or the most money can never do.

The My First Time project arose out of this idea that women are each other’s foundations. Sometimes, for some reason, we don’t have a confidante to tell our story to and these are times where a woman can almost burst with the weight of her own story. I began to feel there was a need for a space where women could share, a place where they knew they were not alone, and that there was someone out there who could share the experience.

I decided to make that space online and it began with a simple email project. I contacted women who I thought might like to be involved, and they were asked to invite women that they thought might like to be involved, and so on. This snowballing process generated enough interest for just over eighty women to start writing stories. Themes were suggested and writing was submitted. The stories blew me away.

I realised that keeping these accounts to myself in the hope that one day they would get published was delaying the process of sharing. I wanted the support to start immediately, not some time in the distant future. A blog seemed like the easiest and most accessible option to achieve this.

So I started myfirsttimessa.com. By February 2012 there were over 200 incredible stories on a range of themes and topics. This project grew in popularity online and has had over 300, 000 views since 2010.

Online, the women who wrote their amazing stories will remain nameless to protect them. We all know that sometimes we write a story not for it to be known as ours, but because we need to get it out. It needs to exist outside of us so that we can encounter it and deal with its source.

At the start of this project, my hope was that one day we would have a book of stories that you could give to your sister, your mother or your girlfriend. She would learn about women’s experiences and perhaps feel better by reading something she identified with or by reading a positive story that inspired her to get through a rough patch. Maybe you would share it with her because you needed her to know a story that was similar to yours. Maybe she gave it to you, because she needed you to know.

My First Time is that book.

We’ve chosen to focus on sex and sexuality because, unfortunately, what can be one women’s best part of her life can be another’s worst, and also because it’s the part that’s least spoken about. Many experiences of sex are shrouded in such secrecy that they can feel impossible to articulate.

Well, we’ve done it. We’ve told some secrets. We’ve said what we needed to say about sex and sexuality, and we’ve collected it all for you.

This project has done so much to confirm my belief that women are powerful, empathetic, compassionate and courageous. I hope that you draw courage from the stories, that they move you and that they help you to start difficult or scary conversations with yourself and others.

By reading this book, you are already empowering the contributors by thanking them for sharing their stories.

Love,

Jen