Anonymous

Three years and one partner after I lost my virginity, I had my first orgasm.

The first guy I slept with was selfish both in and out of bed; sex was average at best. Foreplay was minimal and his technique was—for a supposedly sexually experienced man—decidedly poor. Sex became more of a chore than a pleasure and, being inexperienced and unconfident, I thought the reason I wasn’t feeling satisfied was my fault, because my bits weren’t working properly.

My next bedroom partner was a different kettle of fish.

He was not only equally concerned with my pleasure, but probably more so than his own. Endless foreplay, glorious technique. For two years with him, however, the big O was still a no-show. I was getting to the ‘brink’ every time, but never quite got there. Despite this, I was loving sex for the first time and couldn’t get enough of it. Sex was fine without orgasm, I thought.

I did wonder why I couldn’t come. For the first year of our relationship I was on anti-depressants and knew that they inhibited orgasm (just what you need when suffering from depression). But, even when I stopped taking them, I still wasn’t getting off.

Then suddenly, one day, it happened. I stopped focusing on the fact that I wasn’t coming, accepted that it might not happen and then—BOOM—it snuck up on me. When I let go of my inhibitions and my expectations, there it was, hiding behind them. And, man, was it worth the wait!

My husband asked me recently to explain what my orgasms felt like—I think he was a little in awe of how I reacted each time when I came: out of control, as loud and as jerky as Beyonce’s dance technique (apparently this looks sexy, I’m not so sure).

This was my answer: it starts as a wild, pulsing heat down below and this heat quickly ripples through the rest of my body in massive shockwaves of pleasure. You could ask me my own name in that moment and I wouldn’t know—my brain completely empties and I am wholly at the mercy of my body.

Compared to what I actually feel, that is a crappy, cheesy description, but it’s the best I can come up with. It seemed to satisfy my husband’s curiosity and stoke his envy…considering the average clitoris has twice the amount of nerve endings as the penis, and that they are concentrated into a much smaller space, the female orgasm has the potential to be that much more explosive (another reason to be happy to be female!).

I now regularly enjoy orgasms and even find I tend to get cranky if I haven’t had one in a while. There is something so head-clearing and perspective-making about something so simple and yet pleasurable that you can

share with the person you love. And multiple orgasms— what’s not to love about them? From time to time I still ‘chase’ my orgasm away if I’m stressed or too hung up on getting there, but I know it’s just around the corner and will pop back to say hi soon.