These are some of the things I use to say to myself. It was getting to a point were I would just find it hilarious and laugh at my life (I took falling in love with the struggle to the extreme). You would not find it funny at all if we had a conversation, it was total sadness. I think this is why God decided to intervene by placing me in a place of observation through the circumstances. Let me tell you what I mean by that.

The blogging idea was not even mine. A mutual friend of mine who is an artist, former radio presenter, and does podcasts, introduced me to it. Well, I saw him pushing his craft and I wondered in my mind if I can contribute in any way (hoping to find purpose) to this movement that is passionate about serving God, I become involved in writing and he supported the idea by publishing my first blog Who is Songz? (2016) and the following one The Bigger Picture (2016) on his website. I didn’t even know I can write, until I tried it.

I remember back in 2011 when Michael, my second older brother, bought a music DVD from a street vendor. The DVDs that usually have a cover of Jackie Chan’s Snake In The Eagle’s Shadow (1978) and when you get home and put it in your DVD player and push play, comes up Ncandweni Christ Ambassadors or Westlife self-titled studio album, Westlife (1999). Don’t get me wrong, I love both their music, I grew up listening to it. And you are quickly reminded by this scam why you have trust issues. I once supported the piracy industry. Piracy is the enemy of creativity and misplacing the credentials. I have been a victim, I might be speaking with a little bit of resentment. This was before we were exposed to the digital platforms we now have.

Please follow me here because this is just an introduction to my next influence.

The DVD he bought turned out to be a collection of hip-hop and R&B songs. One song that struck my attention the most was Like Toy Soldier (2005) by Eminem. After listening to the song multiple times (I did not even understand fully the concept of the song but through the visuals I could sort of put pieces together to interpret the message, or at least have an idea) I knew I wanted to rap. I went ahead and I began writing raps as well. It’s clear I was inspired, felt the urge and belief that I can do it.

Through practicing and performing I grew in it and communicated my life through the music.

Between 2016 and 2020 I managed to release five singles, the first two being Dreams (2016) and Vision (2017) on SoundCloud.

It’s clear the idea of making music I ended up enjoying was not even mine.

After I finished the eighteen months period at college I could not find employment (Work Integrated Learning) so I can be able to obtain my national diploma. Amos, my third older brother, suggested I come and work with him. He works at a furniture store company. I agreed and was assigned in a branch in East London as a casual worker (my brother works at a different branch in Butterworth).

I only worked for nine months and I left because there was this wondering I could not resist that the is something more out there I still need to see or witness and I was already confident that I have acquired a skill to help me build my own path. My position was assembling the robes, kitchen schemes and bedroom units and also offering repairs. Not quite on the route of the seeds I already planted along the way (I thought to myself and these thoughts were influencing my wondering eye to find out who I am) and this sometimes made me scared that this will end up being the way I make decisions about my life, getting involved in whatever is in front of me at the moment to satisfy the lust for things and people rather than what I enjoy doing that glorifies God. I know with the unemployment rates increasing in our country, one should be less picky, but if we focus solely on the troubles of today we forget to prepare and invest in the future. So I left to open my own company Woodyz Carpentry Pty Ltd (est. 2021). I was sure that running my own business would bring me pleasure and I would enjoy it considering I studied Business Management at school.

You must wonder how I got into Business Management? Well, a cousin sister of mine (Yonela) pursued the same course when I was still in the eighth grade (2012) and I sort of saw what it was all about, and guess what? I thought I could do it.

Now see, I don’t wish I could go back and do things differently because I am very grateful for every experience, and the influence. It was all positive. It got me closer to God. Every song, blog and project was created with a purpose to praise him, serve him, confess my sins and live like him. Although I was clueless at the time of those things while I was doing it, and just thought I was just writing what I felt inside and what was going on in my life and tackling everything how it comes, but it was a mark I left that I had to come back to when I’m at a more mature stage with empathy to allow me to listen. In order for me to hear clearly what direction I am being called in. I go back and listen to the songs and realize now that I’ve taken the time to study the word of God, that every point I raised only him can provide a solution to, if I listen and get to know him and be patient in him. He will reveal all to you in due time. I am a firm believer of the Xhosa proverb “umntu ngumntu ngabantu” (a person is a person through other people). And sometimes God will use others to bless you and help you find your way. God didn’t want Adam to be alone in the garden of Eden and gave him a companion but he needed an investment from him first (which in that case was one of his bones) because he needs your commitment in order to fulfil his will (Genesis 2:18 – 23 ).

If this blog was an elegy about lack of purpose and direction I would have named it “Help! I can’t find my entitlement” I think that would be the best suitable title in the twenty first century. This is a generation that has never been scared to ask for help and be direct and has an obsession with labelling (which I have not yet figured out what is all about). But what this writing is about, is realizing how much every encounter in our daily lives gives us the opportunity to figure out ourselves through God and how destiny communicates with us. This comes from being true to yourself and putting your heart in everything you do with a mentality that it’s for something bigger than you unless it’s putting you in a place were you have to choose between God and the things of this world.

On my recent blog Appreciate Your Struggles, They Are Your Source Of Strength (Chapter 1) (2022) I spoke on how the struggles can structure your life. Let’s take How I Am Learning The Ordinary Lessons: In My Perspective (Chapter 2) (2022) as a deeper examination on the impact by those challenges or a cherish-able moment that gave you a lot spiritually, physically and emotionally that you and I continue to face everyday and how we should be looking if it’s pointing us to God or away from him. In a socialization we most likely to encounter a similar transition, I thought maybe you would relate on a few mechanisms that helped me learn and figure out my direction, and allow Jesus Christ to be my lord and savior (because without the faith I had I wouldn’t been able to have the drive and belief that God will lead me and grant me the strength and the mind-set to explore and see life beyond my circumstances and learn new things and be inspired without the feelings of jealousy and envy), which makes them ordinary but written in my perspective. This is a piece you can un-riddle how it relates to you.

The excitement of being at college overwhelmed my heart more than anything I have ever come across in my life. I had the belief that the was a change that suddenly occurred. In 2019 I first set my foot at the premises of Princeview College with so much excitement and nervousness. I was admitted for Business Management and was looking forward to working hard and obtaining my National Diploma so that someday I may apply for the job of my dreams and earn a reasonable salary.

This is usually why most young people want to further their studies, earn a reasonable pay, live a luxury life and set off to the sunset (it’s pretty much clear I am generalizing, if your intentions are different from my point of view, that’s wonderful).

A young man from the Eastern Cape standing in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the province of KwaZulu Natal which is Durban.

My vision that I came with was quickly disturbed by the beauty of women that I came into contact with at school and I sure did fall in love. My experience was going through relationship problems I never prepared to be involved in. I was left broken with regrets and so many lessons that still haunt me today, in a good and a bad way.

I came to realize how school can build you in other aspects of your life without noticing it at that moment. Today I am a good relationship counsellor to my friends and to my siblings (not that any of them have ever admitted it . I might be giving myself too much credit here. Let me say I am a better listener than I was before).

Being raised by a single mother who was constantly occupied by work (i say that without a doubt that it was for the greater good) and my brothers staying away with my grandmother in Mthatha whilst we were based in East London made it hard for me to communicate with anyone. I believe that was the birth of my introverted character. School was an opportunity for me to go out and learn communication in theory and practically.

Anyone can go study and uplift their chances of being employed by big organisations and government departments. But I will forever applaud those who keep an open mind and create their own path into success no matter how difficult it because it highlights passion and commitment in building something worthwhile from nothing.

I completed all my modules and levels with good results but could not receive any of my certifications due to financial reasons and I ended up fleeing the city. But I am confident that I have gained everything I need to go and live a successful life without any of the material things, because I believe really education was instilled in me by all the experiences I went through. Education comes in so many ways it’s important that we don’t look down on those who did not get the opportunity to further their studies.

After so many years of human existence, death is still a very strange concept. He warned us all that one day it will come and take him away from us.

On Christmas day (2020) I woke up early as usual, as my brother Michael and I always go out and buy Christmas goodies for the day. We went to Shoprite at the mall and bought everything we thought we needed and headed back home.

A sunny day that usually ends with a little bit of rain but that day it ended with tears when my half sister (Nasiphi) from my father’s side came to our house to deliver the new of my father’s passing. I could not cry nor react but give her a hug of comfort. My world suddenly became strange as I saw everyone in tears whilst I was in a processing mode. I started picturing my father’s image in my mind vividly and his words.

He had a seizure and passed away at his home. Every Christmas has been nothing but a reminder of that tragic event.

We prepared for his funeral and everything went well and I was sure that I have healed and it won’t be an issue moving forward with my life cause my heart did not allow me to cry and strain my energy for whatever reason. And a few weeks later I returned to my place.

When I was sitting outside my place on the stoop, an elderly man came by the gate and asked me to come to him. He said, you never forget. I was puzzled by these words. He followed by saying, I am an elderly man but I still think about my father everyday. We are not meant to forget the deceased but learn to live without them. And he walked away.

I realized I might have never cried for my father but his image will always be in my mind and will forever think about him cause we all grieve in different ways.

There are so many distractions in the world and in our lives that we forget about God. Michelle Borquez in her book Overcoming The Seven Deadly Emotions (2009) stated “We have a choice every day to choose Christ over our flesh, to sow the works of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and to reap a greater relationship with Christ.”