“Settle down grade twelves its 09:00 o’clock , you have ten minutes to page through your exam papers .Do remember that you are not allowed to have a pen or pencil in your hands as you are not permitted to write any notes or answer questions “,announced a middle age man with black and partly gray hair ,my principal Mr Tys.
As I sat at back of the hall ,I had a good view of the hundred pupils sitting ahead of me with their heads looking down and paging through the exam paper.I could feel the the nerves , the excitement and curiosity ciculating around the room, what a journey it has been ,I thought to myself. We all came from different homes ,backgrounds and we had different past experiences ,but we all had a thing incomon which was to make it in life as we were all fighting a battle.
That day was a dream come true ,I remember my first day of high school vividly .I was drained and emotionally tired as I already had it with school and I couldn’t wait to get home and get that day over and done .While others were excited for the new day , giving big hugs to their friends with excitement after a long holiday .It was such a long and dragging journey ,waking up early for school along with late nights and always feeling like I didnt belong. As much as I had people around me ,friends, I was home sick of a place I’m not sure even existed.From that very first day I knew that high school was going to be a hell of a ride. Yep I was right!
It is true that the mind is very powerful, what you think and manifest will come true .If you think negative, negativity will come your way,be careful of what you put out into the universe and what you think of yourself. Speak greatness to yourself and greatness shall follow you! As it was my last day ,I couldn’t believe how far I came .I didnt know how I made it after all the bad marks and the disappointments along the journey.
Throughout my high school years I always felt that I was playing dodge ball (umdudla or udwadla in IsiXhosa) despite all the bad marks I would get during the year ,i would make to the next grade the following year.On that day I was proud that I didn’t give up even though my boat was going south ,I kept sailing till the finish line.I couldn’t believe that I was going to have the freedom ,I just didn’t want to think about my results because as I will cross the road when I get there , I thought to myself .I was a whole matriculant that’s when everything sinked In.I felt like i was in an action movie and I had walked away from a fire explosion.I knew that heaven was proud ,after all the hardship I managed to pull through I couldn’t be more proud of myself .The brighter day I always promised myself had indeed came to life.
I snapped back to reality as I heard the sound of my pencil falling on the floor .As I gazed at the projector ,I saw that only two minutes were remainig till we start writing, time flies ,I though myself after I had a nostalgic moment.
As I looked on my left ,I saw Stefany the smartest and the most hardworking learner in my grade .She has been in the top one since the first term in grade eight ,talking about a girl with a vision !She had a plan from the beginning , while on the other hand i was drowning in my school markes .I always aspired to be like her but in my case I buried my dreams because of self doubt and fear.Always remember that it starts with you and it ends with you.We are the writers of our stories as much as we cannot control our circumstances but we can choose to control the ending and our thoughts /mindset.
I was glad that I was not be going back to that environment as it was toxic for my wellbeing , or see any of these people as much even though I have no sh*t with anyone but I am tired of these people ,thank God ,I thought to myself .
“FOR THE LAST TIME GRADE 12 IT’S TEN PAST NINE ,YOU MAY BEGIN WRITING ,GOODLUCK !”ANNOUNCED ONE OF THE TEACHERS.
After the teacher announced, we raced to our answer books like a flock of birds flying to its prey as we were eager to start writing so we could get the exam done and dusted.I tried to stay in my lane and avoid looking left or right but only look down on my exam paper.Which gave me terrible back and neck problems as I didn’t want to be accused of cheating on my last exam .As I struggled once again to position myself, the exam paper along with the answer book and my stationary on my small desk ,while avoiding uneccssary attention.I knew if I dropped one thing or made a noise, the whole grade along with the teachers will have their eyes on me which would have been so awkward .Eventually I managed to position myself so I could be able to write plesently.
After eight years of learning Afrikaans, I still struggled with the subject but at that point I had already gave up.There were times when I didn’t understand the exam questions but I would answer the questions anyways because I didn’t want to leave blank spaces .I was just gambling and trying my luck hoping that my marks would come back good.I honestly felt sorry for the markes because I knew that it was going to be a nightmare marking those papers. Afrikaans lessons were the best especially during orals lessons . I would laugh at people’s orals the whole lesson ,the ironic thing was that I also had no idea what the heck I was presenting to the class.When my turn came ,I wouldn’t be nervous because I knew only the teacher and three or four students understood the language and the rest is just staring at me clueless.
I would always make sure that my shirt is tucked in and my skirt is proper because i had a big skirt especially on my waist area throughout my high school, all in the intention of “you will grow into that skirt “.Every chance i got i would go to the bathroom to hijack and repositon my skirt , thinking about it, i could have seriously solved the problem and bought a new skirt , what a joke !Throughout my high school I was expecting to grow into my skirt but nothing happened .
I had the best Afrikaans teacher ,i just found her funny as I would laugh at her for the craziest reasons .She was misunderstood by the whole school ,everyone saw an angry woman but I saw a soft hearted woman that was eager to be respected and to be understood.There were times when she would enter the class ,start shouting for no reason thats when I would start bawling with laughter and try to not get noticed.
As I sat on my chair ,out of ideas ,trying to add more words to my essay. I sneaked my eyes around the room ,there were students who were already lying on their desks which left me confused because we were only forty-five minutes in the exam .I didn’t know whether they are done or taking a break .That happened a lot during Afrikaans exams, whereby some students would be busy for the first hour then lay on their desks until the last thirty minutes of the exam,which was crazy and I wouldn’t dare try that because I would sleep though the whole exam. Eventually I decided to stop focusing on others and trying to complete my exam. On that exam I knew I had to put my A+ game because I didn’t want to repeat the subject, I would die .I could repeat any other subject but not Afrikaans!.
As I was completing my exam paper with dedication, not think of anything but the exam ,which was a struggle .On the other hand the time was taking its toll as it was draging .I would wonder if the time was somehow paused because it felt like I was there for ten plus hours and I was making it worse by looking at the time every second.
Eventually there was an hour left ,forty five minutes led to thirty minutes , I looked at the time for the hudredth time. I couldn’t believe my eyes as we had ten minutes left .I was so ready to leave ,plus that’s when I realized that it was indeed the last day ,there was no turning back ,i was was officially done.
“Alright matriculents, you have a five minutes to finish up ,clear up your desks”,teacher announced .
I finished up, made sure that my punctuation was proper and I cleared up my desk .I could feel the energy of excitment during the last few seconds.
“Alright grade twelves pens down, pens down!Time is up.Dont do anything crazy ,drive safely and good luck for your lives ahead ,I wish you all a prosperous life”
As I walked out of the gate with my friends for the last time ,the bell rang ,which signified an end of an era as we were heading into the real world.I remembered the very first day ,I was scared and worried about the journey of the unknown ahead of me .I could finally say that school was .
However I was not proud of my academics because I could have done more ,that wasn’t my best at all. But I was proud of my emotional journey because of the growth i had experienced
.I wasn’t where I wanted to be but I wasn’t but I was grateful as I was not the same person that I was on my first day of high school as I had experienced uncomfortable growth.
***
Tell us: What are your thoughts about growth?