Khanyisile

As I was dishing up a knock came on my door, I wiped my hands before rushing to the door. “Are you Khanyisile?”

Confused I nodded to the courier guy, he handed me a paper to sign and gave me a huge thing that was wrapped in a brown paper and walked away.

“Who was that?” Langa asked tearing his eyes away from the TV I shrugged as I place the huge damn ass thing and opened it, my mouth hang open when I see the painting that I commented on earlier at the art gallery.

If I remember correctly this thing costed about R10 000 and now it is on my lounge looking so darn beautiful. A huge smile spreaded on my face as I saw a piece off paper and opened it. “I’ll do anything…” the note said.

I looked at Langa who is giving me a confused as if waiting for me to explain “Uhh, its a gift.” I said placing it gently on the floor and went back to the kitchen.Iif I can picture Thobane right now , he would be smiling as he always is. I continued dishing up ignoring Langa as he continues to ask who is this friend.

When I went to sleep Thobane was on my mind, I dont know when and how he occupied my mind but he just does and he did so without any effort, Langa had to try for months and months for me to warm up to him but when it comes to Thobane he isn’t even trying cause he is just there. I close myself as I picture him, here next to me.

I quickly erase the image out of my mind and shake my head and look at Langa, he is so sound asleep and I am thinking about another man when he is here next to me. An overwhelming guilt consume me as I sigh.

I look at him again and realise that there is no warmth of love that I usally got when I was with him, It is so weird because before I would be checking him up everyday whenever he is at work and over time it changed 1to me calling once a day to non at all. I get out of bed and walked to the kitchen and made myself tea and sat on the couch.

I searched for the reason that made me love him from the beginning but now that reason seem to have been burried so deep down that I can’t find it. My mother has always hated him and I was with him maybe because I wanted to defy my mother or because Langa suggested it and he made it impossible for me to say no.

Thobane has been on my mind a lot lately and I dont know how to feel about that, but what I know is that I enjoy his attention does that even make me a bad person? That I am seeking comfort on another man when instead I should at least try to fix things with Langa.

“Hey,” Langa said walking into the lounge “I was wondering where you were.”

I stood up still holding the cup of tea with both my hands “I hate the smell of tea and my favourite colour is not green or purple it is blue, dark blue to be specific.” I took a deep breath and looked at hima again “I dont think I can do this anymore.”

He gives me a confused look “Just beacuse I got those things wrong now you feel like you cant do this anymore?”

“It’s not just that Langa. I have not been happy in a while, you are an amazing person but you are not the person I want. I even wonder how and why I stayed with you for so long, maybe I was settling because after a long time you were the only guy who was serious and maybe I thought that no other man will be serious again so I settled.”

He looks at me as if he is not surprised by what I just said “Maybe I am to blame also for not giving you love that you deserved, I havent been totally honest myself,” He said. I cant believe that it is 2 a.m and we are having this kind of conversation.

“I met someone.”