my name is keneilwe. im 35 years old, born and bred in the North West province of South Africa, from a small rural town called Taung.but later moved to Gauteng at the age of 10, shortly after my mother’s passing to live with my father and siblings as he worked that side.

my arrival in Gauteng for the first time was nerve wracking, all the traffic and the fast life really made me an uneasy as a new comer to the surroundings. it doesn’t get worse than that, my first day at school was a total night mare. I was bullied, laughed at and critisized because of my background.so I had to step up and try to fit in. u know what they say: ‘ when you’re in Rome, you do what the Romans do. so it started with small things like speaking kasi taal, learning to play their games and making new friends. all this was innocent until I reached the age when I was considered an adult, from the age 18, I started rebelling against my noble father, who instilled nothing but discipline and good character in me, all that went down the drain as soon as I started dating.

my relationships never lasted, because im beautiful and hard to please, i could get whichever guy I want, whenever i want, i was the game changer and thought that was ‘swag’. although academically, i wouldn’t say i was an Acer, but i did quite well.

later on in life, i fell Inlove with the baddest guy in the hood, he changed the idea i had about myself being the ‘it’ girl and taking control of any relationship i was in. he was what they call an alpha male and all that time before i met him,i might have been dating ‘simps’. the man i fell deeply Inlove with was a serial cheater and an abuser, but for the sake of this weak link called love, i let my guard down and lost myself in the process.

Themba was his name, and he had the ability i thought only the devil possessed, the ability to make me a submissive victim. my family and friends tried to pull me away from him, but that’s the more I felt safer in his violence. i conceived a child by him at the age of 24, i remember graduating from varsity with a big bump and my father was proud of me non the less.

i struggled to find a job after graduation, i was dependent on themba, which gave him more power to raise the bar on his behavior. he kept at it but I’d still drop a case i opened against him, I’d quit a job i was doing if he asked me to, i would literally stop breathing for him. but three years in the relationship, i had enough an called things off. guess what ? he married a nurse a few months after our break up and treated her like a queen. this affected my mental health in a huge way.

i started drinking heavily, living recklessly and even forgot who i am and what i stood for, neglecting my son in the process. he took him from me a couple of years later, i don’t blame him, i wasn’t a good mother, now he gives him a life that i can’t give to him, although I have regrets, im just glad that i can still see him during school holidays and that’s enough for now, just until i can prove that im now a better person. im gonna fight for him.

fast forward, im back at the village as an adult. unemployed, frustrated, broke, a bad reputation and all things u can find in the vocabulary of indecency and i have myself to blame for it. but i called it upon myself, i made my own bed, and need to lay on it. im a strong person, some days are harder than the others, but im here keeping it together looking forward to a sunny day, in the midst of suffering the concequences.