I come from a family where women made it without men. I stayed in a family house with my aunts and their children and my mom until two got married, and one moved out to cohabit with her child’s father. Which left the house with my mom, three siblings, and I.

Growing up from a family where women made it without men never fascinated me. My mom, being a single independent woman, never impressed me. I saw myself happily marrying with six or more kids with a very handsome and kind man. I believe in love so much as if I was raised by two happily married parents. The fact that I watched my mom achieving everything without any help from any man still didn’t fascinate me or made me see myself doing everything for myself as a single woman.

I really saw myself in marriage, with kids and a man who chose us, his family over everything and everyone. I saw myself driving a car, a car bought by my man for me as a gift. Saw myself driving my kids to school. Saw myself as a rich makoti in my husband’s family. Saw myself, being the only makoti in the family who buys them groceries and kids always being happy to see me visiting or coming to ceremonies because they know they’ll get something from me. You know that makoti who is beautiful, educated, rich and dresses the best? With a very big diamond stone on her her finger? Yes, that was me! I saw myself having someone who would support me any day, that one person I would call in cases of emergencies or whenever. That “Mothwaka, where you at? Please fetch me. I’ll send you my location!”, even though I’m with my car where I’m at but because I have a man who is rich and who babysits me he would come and fetch me with his car and leave mine there to send our son or anyone to fetch mine for me!

See that life of being a young married couple with so many kids taken to best schools? Who speaks English fluently and loved everywhere we go because they happen to be just cute like their dad. Yes, that was the exact life I saw for myself! My husband and I going to our son’s soccer games just there watching our son making moves with me in my Gucci sunglasses and my man with a cooler box of our drinks and snacks taking sefies and videos. He be looking at me every minute, questioning himself how he could have been this lucky to have such a pretty, kind, respectful, thoughtful, and loving wife!

Well, enough with my fairytale, this is my reality, I got to university and found myself a boyfriend, which I dated for almost three years now. We were so madly in love before, or at least that was what I thought. Didn’t want to leave each other’s side. We stayed at different accommodations, but because we got used to being on one another’s side, I ended up spending most of my time at his place. I really felt at home when I was with him. When someone said, sometimes home is a person, they were really referring to this man in my life!”

I had zero trust issues when I met this man and dated him in a manner of I told myself this is the man I chose for myself and I’m going to love him, support him and fully be committed. He was really handsome, or should I say he is a very tall, dark, and handsome man! His body is to die for. The voice is everything! I would get turned on by just him saying “hello” or just passing near me. God, I loved this man so much! Oh no, loved? No, I love him endlessly so! We started having fights like any other young couple. So the thing about me is that I love peace, I would apologize even when I am not even at fault. He is really an ignorant man, hardly sending assurances through words hebrather sends me money or take me out, that was his love language. Not sending long assurance paragraphs like roses are red violets are blue and stuff, like he hardly apologizes when he’s wrong, he has so much ego! There is a time we had our first big fight, I do not even know what went down, but we ended up not talking, so me being the peacemaker, I requested we meet. We met on campus just few minutes before my bus leaves, I apologized and tried holding him he just pushed me in front of everyone passing us, he even said he’s feeling cold so he suggests I leave so he goes back to his place as well before he catches flu as it was cold that day and he was not wearing a jersey.

I had to let him leave, I couldn’t help it. Tears were falling out of my eyes. I could not believe this was the same man who said he would be with me through anything. Today, we fought, and he chose to walk away and used the coldness as an excuse so he does not have to communicate with me. Months passed, and we were okay again. It was a second year of us dating, and now I would spend weeks at his place. You know that res life I cohambating. Yes, it was nice. Plus, he started having real money, like he gave me much more money, like before everything was fine, we were cruising nicely, until I fell pregnant.

A month passed without me seeing my petiods, so I had to contact him and let him know. He then suggested I come to his place. On my way there, I passed at the chemist and bought two pregnancy tests. So before I fell pregnant, we had our huge fight again, where he was told I was at car wash drinking with men. Which was not true, yes I was at car wash waiting for my bunny chow then a police man came offering to buy me a six pack of Bernini blush but I wasn’t sitting there or chit chatting with any man. So after that scene, that’s when I went to visit him after I told him I missed my periods. The night I came, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up the whole night watching movies while he was asleep. I stayed up until 00:00 am. So I took one 1 test alone, and it gave me two positive lines. I felt my world falling apart! I was alone in the toilet thinking no, this is a mistake it can not be! Plus, I remember that night I did not even want to drink anything. I wanted my pee to be pure, so it gives me accurate results.

I then opened another test, and it gave me sane results. I was astonished, shacking, imagining my mom’s reaction to this. I then came out of the toilet and headed to him, I had to wake him up to see the results. He was so speechless that he just hugged me and went back to his peaceful sleep. I stayed up questioning myself what is really a way forward from this. I ended up switching lights and getting into be with him. He cuddled me, and funny enough, we still did the deed either way!

The next morning he told me he would tell his family and I should do the same as well. I was really not ready for this, but he kept pushing me to speak up. I left for home, he called and asked if I told my mom yet and I asked him to give me a week only. He just couldn’t wait. In his mind, he thought I would kill myself or try to abort. He saw it fit to call my mom and tell her. The week I was home, I was sick. Couldn’t stop vomiting and sweating. My mom kept asking, “What is it?” Is it bile? Yoh, imagine myself spitting the words “Mother I’m pregnant!” I just could not! So she then asked me if I’m pregnant because there is a young man who introduced himself as my boyfriend and said he impregnated me, so this is the reason I’m ill. The young man is scared you might kill yourself. So, are you pregnant? I could not admit I just said I do not know I am just not feeling well.

Everyone in the family is afraid of my mom, so am I. So it was really strange that she was so calm about this matter. Or is it because the young man came forward and she saw he is not the type to run away or what I do not know. I went to see the doctor the next morning, like my mom said, and it was true I was pregnant. She then started questioning me about where the young man is from and if I know his family and everything. So we had that mother and daughter conversation, and for the first time, I admitted to my mom that I was seeing someone. All my life, I never brought a boy home or ever admitted that I am dating when asked.

Life went on like normal, I went back to school with my belly, although it was not showing as it took time before it reveals itself. I did my pregnancy check ups ad gave the father the feedbacks so there was a time I miscalculated months that’s when he stormed and said the child could not be his. I cried even kneeled down, begging him not to give such thoughts and that I could never do him dirty. He then hugged me and apologized also mentioned he is just stressing a lot also about his academics he is sorry he took out his frustrations on me and the baby he even begged me not to leave I will leave the following day. I had no problem. I stayed the night. One thing about me is that I love peace, also remember I still had the dream of myself married, so already I was pregnant. I just thought maybe this guy would pay lobola soon.

December came, which we were on our holidays, and that was when my family and I had the time to go to the young man’s family to let them know about the pregnancy. The young man sent me the location, any help you could never be able would like me and the ethics would help you with the same thing as you do this year and if you are not the only makoti who we drove there. It was very far! I do not even want to say we traveled from where to where because wow! We arrived, and it felt like it was a wedding. The young man’s family cooked and baked! They were so happy to meet us, I myself was happy to see my future in-laws already saw the family I might get married to! Such a beautiful and kind family. The food was lovely. They gave us fuels money and drinks for our way back. My granny even asked for watermelon as we could not eat everything we were served at once. We were just comfortable, and their hospitality was on another level.