That event became a turning point of my life,I started questioning my sexuality. From the young age I’ve always known that I’m different but I didn’t really give it a serious thought as I was focused more on my schoolwork than anything else. After being told by another girl that she loves me I started wondering how’s that even possible because all my life I’ve been referring to myself as an ugly bitch with dry hair which people refered to as “dry grass in winter”.

I thought the lady would give up, but she kept on narrating to me how much she loves me for three months .I wasn’t interested in her in that way so I insisted we could become friends.Days passed and our bond became much stronger she was the best friend everyone could ever ask for,we spent a lot of time together we even shared our lunch at breaktime at school, I could tell her everything and I started feeling safe around her more than anyone else.

Everything changed when we kissed one day during break time .I didn’t know how to react after the kiss , so I walked away.On my way home after school my mind was ringing with a thousand thoughts,”how am I going to tell my parents that I’m a lesbian? , What if I get kicked out of home?.

To think I actually denied it the first time my mother complained about me wearing boys clothes, how will they take it when they actually hear that they’ve been right about my sexuality the whole time. I wasn’t ready for all those negative comments,I remember one day when we were watching some reality show about the LGBTQIA+ on TV ,my dad said” these people would’ve been killed during the apartheid times and I wish they could still be killed again so that we can have peace as a country”. That made me to have a low self confidence and think that I’m a disappointment to the family .I started hating myself. Suicidal thoughts also started attacking me more often,I wanted to vanish from this miserable world but I couldn’t do it because I knew besides my challenges and what everyone refers to as”demonic”, I knew God had a great purpose with my life.

Besides my sexuality and everything that’s been happening in my life I continued doing exceptionally good at school .I wanted to show everyone that success is not about sexuality or societal standards, success is about working hard and being a dream chaser.I worked really hard as I believed nothing falls like Manna from heaven.

The problem is that we live in a judgemental society and that makes it hard for people to actually reveal who they are to the world.Some are afraid what will happen after they decide to come out of the closet, they fear being raped or even being brutally killed by a mob that believes you should behave in a certain way based on traditional roles made for men and women, forgetting we would have done that if it was possible .No one wakes up and decide to become a lesbian or gay it all happens from within. Being a Lesbian is not made ,I was born a Lesbian.