Knowing who you are (indabuko) in a gang is very important. Being able to tell members where you’re from and what you’re known for is critical, it is your identity that establishes the respect you earn. My grandfather did not have a wife, but he had children. I don’t want a wife and I don’t want children.

What is the point of having children if you cannot protect them. I know that I can’t protect mine because I’m going to jail soon or I’m going to die later. Yes, later not soon. I can avoid death by killing the murderer first. But recently I’ve been scared, I tremble in my sleep. My grandfather still calls me in my dreams and whenever that happens it means trouble has come.

I have never killed a man, but I’m known to be a killer. Like I mentioned reputation matters in this industry. I write about it in my songs, about men I have never killed. I imagine the whole ordeal, how I would feel, how it will look. I know Vuyo could never kill, even if he was forced to. They call him Inceku, he’s very religious and he prays a lot.

This story is long… it has no ending. I decided to share it with a friend because soon I have to prove myself. Yes, there’s a job I need to do tommorow afternoon. It’s an important one, involving famous people. The plan is already set, I just have to pull the trigger. Siviwe my friend is going with me… It’s a simple messy job, no cleaning needed. After this one, I’ll be able to answer the “sisabela nabani?” question about my identity to the gang.