For the first time in my life, I feel welcome. All my life I’ve been meeting people who don’t care about me. Some even use me.

First it was all the foster homes I went to, none of them accepted me as I am. Secondly, it was Jeffrey and Pauline, they tried their best to assimilate me into their lives but it just wouldn’t work out. Which brings me to my third point, the boarding school they sent me to when I was 13. It’s kind of hard to believe that a school that had everything that a child could ask for, never had what I needed. I always felt out of place. Even my graduation felt blank. I wasn’t excited at all.

The only people who really made me feel like I belong are Jaguar and Nkwe. I met them in the army. Oh yes, I’m now a soldier and after 15 years of trying to find myself, I believe I have. These two knuckleheads made it easy. They’re like big brothers to me. We just celebrated my 28th birthday and Jeffrey and Pauline went all out because I also received the news that I’ve been promoted to a Sergeant.

Life is turning out to be good for me and I’m enjoying every moment of it. Right now I’m in the canteen with Nkwe, Jaguar and a whole lot of other soldiers, mostly men. It’s lunchtime and today we’re having soup for lunch. We only get this on cold days like these.

“Khombo my boy, you see, you have only one problem,” Nkwe speaks with his big mouth full of bread.

“What is it?” I ask after taking a sip of my soup.

“You’re afraid of women,” Jaguar rudely interrupts and they laugh at me.

“Ughh, should’ve guessed y’all were going to say that. I’m not afraid of women. I respect women. Unlike some people I know,” I roll my eyes sarcastically and continue eating.

Jaguar leans in my direction from his chair opposite Nkwe, “Oh okay. How many girlfriends have you had?”

“None and don’t start jumping to conclusions. I don’t have time for things like dating and hurting each other for no reason. When I find myself a girl, I’m going to marry her. Now can I please eat in peace,” I state and focus on the slice of bread in my hand.

Nkwe looks at Jaguar and winks at him. They have a specific code that they use to talk. Jaguar holds his bread like a lady holding a cloth. This means: Do you think he’s gay?

Nkwe shakes his head and makes a V sign with his index finger and middle finger. This means: No, but he might be bisexual.

“No I’m not gay or bisexual,” I answer while sipping my soup. They thought I couldn’t see their little signs.

They stop abruptly and look at me with their face showing pure embarrassment. After a moment they burst into laughter. Idiots.

I finish my food and return to my post.