Dear Sam

I’m afraid to admit it but it’s true. It hurts from my head to my toes but it is very true. It’s true that you were once alive and now you not. That you made me feel loved but now you don’t. Its true that you’ve become a memory in my mind. One that I don’t want to forget. It’s true that our story is now my story because I’m telling it alone.

You were a dream of mine that came true. You were that love. That ‘once in a lifetime’ type of love. And for you Sam, I would’ve done everything. 

I still wonder what led you to suicide my love. That is a question I’ll carry in on my heart till I did. A mystery I can never solve. Sometimes, when depression attacks, I cry out loud, praying and hoping that it’s all a nightmare I’ll wake up from. That you never died. That you never hung that rope around your neck. 

You will forever be in my heart Samuel Makhoba. I know you loved me too.

Ulale ngoxolo Sam wami. The tragic end of our love was painful.
Every moment of my life shared with him was amazing. When he died my world fell apart. He was the cloud to my sky and the rhythm to my beat. He made my heart dance and brought my soul back to life. His life was a movie. An inspiring, wild and lovely movie. His death was a tragedy. A devasting end of a lot of beautiful things like Mam’ Lebo’s joy, the school’s soccer team and my hopes and dreams. His letter is the last piece of himself he left behind for the world. I hate it but I love it. And this is it :

SAM’s letter to THANDIWE

* Hey you! It’s Sam. Your love.

Whatever happens, never forget that I loved you. You’re beautiful Thandi, inside and out. Never let anyone convince you other wise. 

Please tell my mom that I left her a letter inside her favourite book. She’ll probably never find it because she doesn’t really know her favourite book but I do. Tell her to take some time out for and with herself. Tell her to look deep within herself. It is then that she will find out which one is her favourite and why. There is a huge significance to the answer of those two questions.

Back to you my love; please don’t think too much about me ok? I can’t believe I’m saying this but please pray for me. A lot is going on in my head, I feel lost and very confused. If I make it out of this battle in time, I promise to love you with all my heart. If I don’t… well, remember that you’re 17 Thandi so have fun. Live, love, laugh. I love you so much and I pray the world loves you more than I ever could. -S *
Your letter broke me. I love you too. -T