I was only 4 years old ,and it was A funeral for someone i used to say it was my mom ….i watched her being buried to her grave ,thinking that i will never see her again.

Next day came another auntie, she took me and went with me to the new place far away from my home ,and left me there she never came back to see me.  I was a child i didn’t even realise what was happening.I stayed there with her grandmother’s friend and she raised me up with so much love and care ..

Then problems begain to start when grandmother passed away when i was in grade 11 ,life started to change. They would treat me like I was not a person either , sometimes they accused me of stealing their money, calling me names .

It was hurting more than ever I started to fail at school, even my mind couldn’t concentrate at school thing about what would i be accused of when I came back from school.

One Sunday I planned to run away and go to my friend’s home called Nora,she was pretty nice just that her mom was an alcoholic, she would be drunk and do bad things infont of us.

Then in 8 months I got pregnant then my life got even worse. The father of my child abandoned me ,he didn’t want anything to do with me. I got stressed like hell wishing to die but only thinking about this child who is innocent in all this, i decided to keep my child thinking that my God gave me for the reason.

Months passed by my stomach became wider but the only problem i had is that when i went to clinic ,they told me that i have too high blood pressure ,and the child is at risk. they transferred me to the nearest hospital which was near to town. I stayed there 2 months full , then I failed at school because it was time to write my exams .

Nobody came to the hospital even my friend ,that kept me crying all day telling myself that I’m alone in this world. One night the nurse came into our ward for some check-ups and  found that my baby’s heart was beating slow, that got me nervous but she said I will be ok.

At twelve midnight I felt my baby kicking so hard than usual , I didn’t think it was something bad, but when i told the nurse in the morning she called a doctor, and the doctor took me to the scan, that was where I found out that my baby had passed away.I got shocked I even fainted.

I stayed 2 days and a half with a dead baby in my stomach, but on the third day around 8 pm I started to have pain in my stomach, back and womb …the nurse called my name and took me for a check up only to find out it was time for me to give birth .I gave birth to the handsome child ever in the world just that his soul was already gone.

I came back from hospital and started to drink alcohol, being drunk every day,but someday I realised it was a bad thing for me to do .

The following year I went back to school to repeat my grade 11 and passed with flying colours, then I went to matric passed my first term with flying colours bt unfourtunately in my june exams I began to be sick every time I wrote my exams. I would faint and sometimes have blood coming from my nose, I started to stay home I was scared to die at school.

I started to feel like the world is against me , having bad thoughts about my life thinking that if I had good parents maybe it wouldn’t be like this , which was Depression.

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm)or their   Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.