Melokuhle



I cried so hard in the past few days that it was even hard for me to come face to face with Melusi, I have been blaming myself, doing the what ifs and the what nots even when Melusi reassured me that it is okay that I should not be blaming myself, my heart knows the truth that it was not my fault, it never was it was was bound to happen because that is how nature is sometimes but I couldn’t seem to make that register into my head.

Even though Melusi tried to make me come out he just couldn’t no matter how much he tried I just refused to come out, even though he has the spare key he never once tried to use it to get in and I thought he would give up but when he promised to kick down the door just after 4 days of locking myself in, I just knew that he would do it, Melusi never makes idle threats he keeps true to his word.

So I had to come out of that nursery, when I opened the door I found Melusi already waiting in the hallway leaning on the wall, he embraced me in a tight hug when his eyes landed on me squeezing the air out of me but I didn’t complain I just let him and I melted into his arms like how a hot butter will melt in the pan.

“Don’t ever do that to me.” he cupped my face “You hear me? That was the most unbearable 3 days of my life” he exaggerated.

After having spent the whole day together and him doing everything that I wanted he took me to his parents’ grave the following day before driving us to KZN and making our way to Mzinyathi. I wanted us to take a plane so that we could arrive a bit early but Melusi didn’t want to, so I was stuck on the long road with him and his awful singing.

I didn’t even have any time to cry and mourn the loss of our baby, he has been managing to keep me laughing and talking so that my mind doesn’t wander and I have been grateful for that.

We stopped at a garage, and while he filled up the tank, I went to get some snacks. I would have sent Melusi but I just needed to stretch my legs and not be cooped up inside the car.

I slapped his hand away when he tried to help me out of the car. I am not immobile I can walk by myself perfectly fine, I don’t need him to baby me around.

If he keeps doing this I might as well kick him on the abdominal. I take a sizable bite of my pie when we get back on the road. Melusi is no longer singing along with the radio; he is quiet probably because we are now getting nearer and nearer to a Nquthu where his birth home is.

I wish that he could say something, anything, to help get rid of the wandering thoughts that have started cruising in my brain but I am sure that he is as anxious as I am about getting to a place he has never set foot in, in so long.

I wanted to comfort him, tell him that all is going to be okay but sometimes it is best not to say anything as long as I am here with him by his side that is all that matters.

It is still dark when the car rolls down the steep hills, the air has grown thick with tension and anxiety. It is so thick that I can cut it out with a knife.

He stopped the car. We had arrived I could tell by Melusi’s hard tense shoulders. I hold his hand, his eyes landing on my hand before lifting them up to get a better look at my face. He squeezes my hand before getting out of the car.

I follow behind him and head to where is standing, looking scared about being here in such a foreign land that he has not been in for so many years. I stand next to him even though it is still dark outside. We can clearly see the house standing tall and proud as if it knew that Melusi would grave it with its presence one day.

He takes my hand, not wanting to take this next step alone. He opens the old rustic gate that seems like it will fall apart if one opens it too harshly, the grass is cut so perfectly and the flowers are blooming just not too far away from the gate. I want to go and run my fingers through their delicate petals and smell them but I have more than enough time for me to do that.

The house, even though it is old, it is still look-able and homey, the windows are clean showing that they have been washed rather recently. Lizzy has done a great job taking care of this house, it does not look like no one has been staying here.

When Melusi pushes the door open we are hit with a thick smell, a smell of a house that has never opened in so long. The furniture is still intact even though it is outdated but the house feels homey and inviting.

Melusi seems to be in his own world as he goes around looking at everything in the house. His eyes get teary and it is not because of the dust that has found its place in this place but because of the picture of his parents, they look so young here almost the same age as Melusi and I.

I squeeze his hand letting him know that I am here with him.