Melokuhle



I should get up, yes that is exactly what I should be doing, I should get up and go brush my teeth, make some breakfast and put on a fake smile but instead I am still buried in the thick covers of my duvet staring at the ceiling. I have been staring at the ceiling for the past 5 minutes, but I can’t bring myself to get up.

It has been 2 months, 2 months of being a divorcee. I always thought that I would never divorce but then here I am, with a ringless finger and no husband to keep me warm at night. I bite the inside of my cheek so that no tears can escape my eyelids, I bit my cheek so hard that I can taste the coppery of thick blood

I look at my finger where my ring should have been but instead it is no longer there and Melusi has not once called or even texted me, I have been shamelessly stalking his Facebook account and to my surprise he has not yet removed our pictures or changed his relationship status.

At times I wish that I can call him, tell him how much I miss him, how much I missed his laughter, his warm strong arms and his terrible jokes but then again he was the one who cheated.

He decided to cheat and there is no way to justify that, he has broken our vows, he has broken our marriage but most especially he has broken me so deeply that I even find it hard to just breathe.

Zandile, she has been nothing but a thorn on my side and she is everything that I’m not, I could see why Melusi went for her.

I shook my head and kicked off my duvet and sat up, that’s what Melusi has done to me, he has instilled insecurities on me. I have been wondering what was so wrong about me that he had to go and cheat. Why was I not good enough? Most times I wanted to call and ask him why he decided to cheat? Just why?

I let out a sigh and dragged myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth, everything had been nothing but hard to do lately. It is hard to breath, to talk, to walk, to bath or even eat, everything feels like a battle, like I am in a war zone country, hanging on by a thin rope.

I haven’t even been to my parents house in a while, I find it hard to face my father after what he had done to me. Although he had apologised a thousand times, I still can’t believe he would do something like that just so that Melusi and I could break up.

I splash cold water on my face and wiped my face with the towel hoping that it would have made me feel refreshed but instead my heart is still heavy and it is getting harder to breath with each second that goes by.