Ntobeko



When I woke up it was dark outside. I walked out of my room and found my mother in the kitchen cooking and laughing. I looked around and saw Siza sitting at the small table stationed in the middle room, his eyes landed on me the minute I rounded the corner, he stood up and walked over towards me “I brought you something.” He handed me a gift bag and whispered for me to hear “I didn’t tell your mother anything.”

I took the gift back and nodded, relief washed over me. This would have destroy my mother, I would just have to deal with this alone.

“I am leaving Ma,” Siza turned around to face my mother. “Oh, but I had already included you when I started cooking.” Siza looked at me and back at my mother “Oh, well I guess I’m staying.”

I excused myself and went into my room, I sat down on the bed and opened the bag. There was a small teddy bear, some snacks, a journal and some sleeping pills. I took out the note, it read : The Teddy bear is for when you get scared, when you do hug it tight when I am not here to do so, the journal is to write down your feelings, don’t keep the hurt in and the sleeping pills is for when sleep can’t find you or you could just call me. Love S

I smiled a little at the thoughtful gift and went to the bathroom and ran some water for me to bath. I felt dirty, even though I had taken a bath not so long ago.

I scrubbed my body hard enough for me to start drawing a bit of blood, I cried silently. I don’t know hpw long I sat here crying with my knees drawn to my chest, but the water had now long gone cold. I stepped out of the bath wrapped myself in a towel went to my bedroom, moisturised myself, put on tracksuit pants and some old Minnie Mouse t-shirt and went to the kitchen finding Siza setting the table.

I sat down and watched him move around the kitchen. My mother was happy that we had a guest in the house. She loved cooking and nursing people.

When they were done and the small table was set, we bowed our heads while my mother said a short prayer.

“So Sizathu, do you have a girlfriend?” My mother asked after a good 8 minutes of eating in total silence.

“Not yet Ma,” I felt his eyes on me “But there’s a girl that I have my eyes on.” he kept quiet for a little while and cleared his throat “But she needs some time to be alone for now.”

I lifted my head and found him still looking at me. “You seem like a good young man.” Siza shook his head “I’m anything but good Ma.”

“Nonsense.” My mother insisted “I can see a good person when I see one. That scar on your face doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Siza turned to look at my mother and smiled “Thank you.”

The table fell back to being silent until we finished off eating “Ek is deck.” My mother said standing up “I’ll have to leave you too and go and bath then go to sleep.”

“Don’t worry Ma, we’ll do the dishes,” Siza said, taking the plates to the sink. I stood to help him but Siza shook his head “I came here to make sure that you are okay.” Siza said after my mother had left the room.

“Thanks.” I didn’t know what to say, and Siza didn’t push as he washed the dishes and wiped them dry. When he was done, he took his jacket that was hung on the chair “Goodnight Nkosazana.” he walked out, I locked the door the second he walked out and saw his car drive away but another car was out there and I recognised the guy, it was the guy who was mopping earlier on, he was sitting inside the car.

He was also looking at me, he waved, I nodded my head stepped away from the window went to my room and laid on my bed.

Ifelt alone and scared with the lights out, I hugged the stuffed animal that Siza had brought and cried silently so as to not alert my mother, I could feel my heart break all over again with every tear that fell.