Samantha



I begged and begged but they didn’t let Bavumile back instead they escorted me back to the car.

I sobbed when I got inside the car, mother didn’t pat my back or tell me that I will be okay or that I can go and see him again, instead she watched me as I cried my eyes out.

I wanted to curse the universe for letting me fall in love knowing very well that I will end up heartbroken.

I asked God to bring me someone that was going to love me and he did but he didn’t warn me that he will love me from jail.

But most of all I wanted to scream at my mother for not caring that I was hurting and knowing that she had the power and the authority to let me spend more time with Bavumile and be in his arms.

I cried all the way home, until I could no longer cry.

I slammed the car door when I got out of the car and ran to my apartment and threw myself on the bed.

I knew that my mother was ruthless because of her job but I never once in my life thought that she would treat me so horribley.

***

1 month later

I moved my food around the plate as Thembi continued to talk and talk about her husband.

I wanted to scream at her and tell her to shut the hell up but I didn’t, I was glad that she was talking allowing me to just think about the gaping hole in my chest that was refusing to close.

“You need to get out more.” My therapist had said “That will take things away from your mind.”

But clearly she was wrong.

“You need to talk about your feelings more.” She had said but what was I to say? That each day that I wake up and I wish and pray that this will be the day I get to be with Bavumile or the fact that he was always in my mind and it was hard for me to just live knowing that he was not in my life.

I looked at the ring that he had made me, it was something I looked at every time I opened my eyes. It was the only thing that I have off him, the only thing that reminded me of him.

My heart still breaks but I heard that a broken heart heals at 6 months, was it sad that I didn’t want my heart to heal?

It was the only thing that reminds me that I have loved and that I have loved truly. Maybe someday, on a random Thursday morning I will be able to laugh without feeling too much pain and that I will smile and dance freely on the rain like a child.

Maybe someday that day will come, but that someday wasn’t today, it wasn’t now. So I continued to listen to Thembi as she went on and on while my heart bled.