30/09/2178

55%. At least it was a pass. 

I imagined the number was different. Just so I could get through my Maths test. It was only when the bell rang after school, that was I freed from the illusion of passing. I bolted down to boarding before the shuttle to Rosebank left, and returned with a pack of energy drinks. 

I had to stay awake. Dr. Tlale will forgive me. I started with my Accounting. It was my next test. Ledger accounts, reconciliations, and assets. Next is Biology. I needed to make up for my marks in the exam. The nervous system, the digestive system. I had only begun the respiratory system when I noted the leanness of my post-it notes.

The time noted that Rosebank is closed. I shift between the chair and my bed as the caffeine buzzes through my system. Yes; Sine has an unopened pack of notes which she did not use for History. But I’m not sure. I walk to the door confirm with her. On my way there, is a knock. 

‘Come in,’ I say, not caring for who it might be. The door clicks, and a head pops in. It was Zuleka.

‘Hey, you’re busy?’ she asks, with her hands behind her back. 

‘Yeah, kind of. What’s up?’ I say, looking for my second slipper. 

She wanted to ask if I was going home this weekend. I obviously couldn’t – 55%. But I couldn’t ignore the plea in her silence. 

‘We’re trying to make a video for the CHP. We wanted to honour the lives of lost humans. And I thought of your parents.’

Great. 

‘It’s just a quick profile of their story. And you could even be in it,’ she said, the fluid in her eyes polishing its shine. 

‘That’s sweet, and Thank you,’ I replied, retaining the treble of my tone, ‘But this weekend is a no-go.’

Silent plea.

‘Maybe another time,’ I asserted, breaking the quiet with the sound of my slipper. ‘I have to stay in. I’m in trouble for Bio.’ 

Staring at my toes, she countered, ‘I only have this weekend to shoot.’

Well, I only had this weekend to secure my scholarship. And I waited for her to get it. But she didn’t. Instead, she shrugged; and lifted her brow: ‘You’ll be fine. You always are.’

I walked past her and into the corridor. I needed the Post-it notes more than I needed Zuleka to understand. She would not understand. And I did not have the time to make her. 

‘Are you okay,’ she said, running after me.

‘I’m fine. I just can’t help you. Sorry,’ I replied, stretching each step. 

‘Ugh Nandi, don’t be sorry. Do something!’ she demanded, pulling my arm towards her. 

 I turned in, with the caffeine swirling within me, I yelled ‘Excuse me?’ 

‘Do something,’ she shouted. ‘Doesn’t this piss you off?’ 

I kept one note, ‘Oh, I’m pissed.’ 

‘Then, help us,’ she suggested, certain the direction would resolve our tension. 

‘I finished a whole project alone because I was helping you.’ I said, continuing toward Sine’s room, not forgetting to tail my vexation with an, ‘You’re welcome.’

‘I didn’t ask you to do that. You did that on your own.’

‘Because you were gonna do it?” I countered.

With her arms spread like a messiah, she replied, ‘I am on your side.’

‘Yeah Zuleka,’ I said, ‘the struggle is real from Hyde Park.’ 

‘Well,’ she retorted, now inflating her chest, ‘at least I stand up for myself.’

‘Exactly! Self! You stand for yourself! No-one else.’ A pause. “And please leave my parents out of whatever it is you’re doing. I will not ask you again.’

Her voice now evened, ‘You cannot ask us not to honor them.’

‘I’m not asking us, I’m asking you,’ I plead. 

‘I’m sorry Nandi. Maybe you don’t appreciate them but you can’t stop me from doing that.’

I slapped her. I started with her face.

One hot slap.

Followed swiftly by another.

Zuleka swung her arm to hit me back.

It was going to hurt, but I could take it. I had to. Then Sine got between us, her push throwing Zuleka off balance, her other arm holding me at bay. I saw then, how many girls had surrounded us, watching. Behind Sine, I could see Zuleka steadying herself, her hands balled into fists, getting ready to strike. I lunged towards her but fell right into Matron who, at that exact moment, was stepping between us, saying “Girls!’ when I knocked her over.

After recovering from her fall, Matron sent us back to our rooms. Sine followed behind me. The tears welled at the floor of my eyes as I opened the door and kicked the bin beside me. 

I broke down. I don’t know how else to say it. But at least Sine was there. And so was the caffeine, quickly reminding me that I was at the very edge of my suit. Suddenly aware of the weight of my body against her, Sine’s arm loosened around me, letting me fragment out of her grip. The halo of her Afro disintegrated as Matron’s hurried footsteps warped into a distorted symphony. It was all fading away. At first, as a warning, and then as a promise. My suit finally stopped threatening me. It took action. And before I knew it, there was a silence where the matron’s words used to be.