I stayed a little longer in the hospital as every night I would cry and scream Themba’s name I guess our goodbyes were not enough for me to just let him go .I screamed because I was hoping he would come back as he couldn’t stand seeing me in pain but my love was gone and gone forever I just had to accept that and find a way to move on it was the most hardest thing ever but I had to other choices.

I got better by the day,I guess talking to the psychologists helped a lot.I was out of the hospital sooner than my family expected.First thing I did was to go to my Fiancé’s burial side to finnaly pay my last respect it was really painful but I had to do it for closure .I then wished I had been here for his last day on earth.Luckily his Mother is a very modern woman that is why she organised a film maker on his funeral to take a video of the whole event. I watched it and it felt like I was there and I got my wishes it wasn’t the same but atleast it was something.

I went back to finish my last year at the University as there were some modules I didn’t do but they were nice enough to let me finish them before I could graduate.Each and every year on his birthday I would go to clean his tombstone and put some new fresh flowers and remind him that I still love him,I missed his voice so much it broke my heart every time I went to visit him knowing that he won’t respond to anything I was saying to him but I eventually got used to it. Life was hard without him I was scared to move on and love again but I knew I had to besides I promised him that I will.His last words were that he loved me and those kept me going.

I became a daughter to his parents I filled Themba’s space in their life even though it wasn’t enough as I was not their lovely Son but I know that where ever he is,he is proud of me and very grateful that I took care of his parents they were my second family,they were my parents.On my graduation day they were all there it was amazing having them there all of them it felt like his spirit was also there.

I met someone shortly he asked me out a couple of times but I couldn’t let myself to do it but I had a talk with Themba’s Mom and my Mom so I went out with the guy so I’ll just see where all this will end I just hope I won’t look for Themba in him because it won’t work.